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Author Topic: elder humor  (Read 785 times)
pdmattox
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« on: February 15, 2007, 05:38:33 PM »

>>>       Subject: Elderly people
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
>>> He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for
>>> a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% .
>>> The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the
>>> doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect..........
>>> Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
>>> The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
>>> I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
>>> I've changed my will three times!"
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a
>>> bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:< BR>>>> "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.
>>> I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
>>> Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
>>> "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
>>> "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
>>> eating,
>>> the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
>>> The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to
>>> a
>>> new restaurant and it was really great.
>>> I would recommend it very highly."
>>> The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
>>> The first man thought and thought and finally said,
>>> "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
> >> You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
>>> "Do you mean a rose?"
>>> "Yes, that's the one," replied the man.
>>> He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,
>>> "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being
>>> discharged.
>>> However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
>>> gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his
>>> feet, who insisted he! didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
>>> After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel
>>> him to the elevator.
>>> On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
>>> "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing
>>> out of her hospital gown."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
>>> During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay,
>>> but they might want to start writing things down to help them
>>> remember.
>>> Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
>>> "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
>>> "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
>>> "Sure."
>>> "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"she
>>> asks.
>>> "No, I can remember it."
>>> "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
>>> Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
>>> He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
>>> strawberries."
>>> ; "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write
>>> it down?" she asks.
>>> Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
>>> Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness
>>> sake!"
>>> Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man
>>> returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
>>> She stares at the plate for a moment.
>>> "Where's my toast ?"
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
>>> "So I hear you're getting married?"
>>> "Yep!"
>>> "Do I know her?"
>>> "Nope!"
>>> "This woman, is she good looking?"
>>> "Not really."
>>> "Is she a good cook?"
>>> "Naw, she can't cook too well."
>>> ; "Does she have lots of money?"
>>> "Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
>>> "Well, then, is she good in bed?"
>>> "I don't know."
>>> "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
>>> "Because she can still drive!"
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Three old guys are out walking.
>>> First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
>>> Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
>>> Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid.
>>> It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
>>> perfect."
>>> "Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
>>> "Twelve thirty."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Morris, an 82 year- old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
>>> A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with
>>> a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
>>> A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
>>> "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
>>> Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma  and
>>> be cheerful.'"
>>> The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur;
>>> be careful."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>       One more. . .!
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and  pulled
>>> himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath,
>>> he ordered a banana split.
>>> The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
>>> "No," he replied, "Arthritis."
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buzzbeejr
Josh
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« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2007, 06:58:39 PM »

great jokes dallas. Where do u get this stuff?
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MMMMMMMMM!!!!!! Doughnuts.- Homer Simpson
pdmattox
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Location: lake city, florida


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« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2007, 10:53:53 PM »

That is a secret. grin
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