You might be a redneck if

[mabuzzbee]

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You've ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
Your dog goes "oink!"
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
You know how to milk a goat.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
You have a refrigerator just for beer.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
You've ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You don't think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.
The most common phrase heard in your house is, "Somebody go jiggle the handle."
You can't take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
You think harass is two words.
You consider fast food hitting a deer at 65 MPH.
Every day someone comes to your house mistakingly thinking your having a yard sale.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
You have more dogs than the local shelter.
You consistently receive credit card offers with a limit of $1.25.
Your postman puts rubber gloves on when the red flag is up on your mailbox.
You've ever tried to drown a fish.
You can yell to your mom, "Hey, Aunt Betty!"
Your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner.
You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your mother has been involved in a fist-fight at a high school sports event.
None of your shirts cover your stomach.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
Your family tree does not fork.
Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
The fifth grade is referred to as " your senior year."
Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
The UFO hotline limits you to one call per day.
Your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.
You have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.
You let you kid pee in the parking lot at K-Mart.

[Brian D. Bray]

I won't tell you how many apply to me, let's just start with "you know how to  milk a goat." and call it there.  You forgot the one about colors. 
If you try to buy a leather couch in red bone, blue tick, or black and tan.
If you think red bone, blue tick, and black and tan are different breeds of dogs.