Children and Church

[mabuzzbee]

STORY OF  ELIJAH
>
>
>     The Sunday school teacher was carefully  explaining the story of
> Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of  Baal. She explained
> how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut a  steer in pieces,
> and laid it upon the altar.  And then, Elijah  commanded the people of
> God to fill four barrels of water and pour it  over the altar. He
> had them do this four times "Now, asked the teacher,  "Can anyone in
> the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water  over the
> steer on the altar?"  A little girl in the back of the  room started
> waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the  gravy!"
>
>
>
>     LOT 'S  WIFE
>
>
>      The Sunday School teacher was  describing how Lot 's wife
> looked back and turned into a pillar of salt,  when little Jason
> interrupted,
> "My Mummy looked back once, while she was  driving," he announced
> triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone  pole!"
>
>
>
>       GOOD SAMARITAN
>
>
>  A  Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the
> Good  Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead.
> She  described the situation in vivid detail so her students would
> catch the  drama Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying
> on the  roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you  do?"  A
> thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think  I'd throw up."
>
>
>
>       DID NOAH  FISH?
>
>
>       A Sunday school teacher asked,  "Johnny, do you think Noah
> did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark  ?"  "No," replied David. "How
> could he, with just two  worms?"
>
>
>
>       HIGHER  POWER
>
>
>       A Sunday school teacher said to  her children, " We have
> been learning how powerful kings and queens were in  Bible times. But,
> there is a higher power.  Can anybody tell me  what it is?"  One
> child blurted out,  "Aces!"
>
>
>
>      MOSES AND THE RED  SEA
>
>
>      Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his  mother what he had learned
> in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher  told us ho God sent Moses
> behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead  the Israelites out of
> Egypt . When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army  build a pontoon
> bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he  radioed
> headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up  the
> bridge and all the Israelites were saved."  "Now, Joey, is  that
> really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well,  no,
> Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe  it!"
>
>
>
>       THE LORD IS MY  SHEPHERD
>
>
>       A Sunday School teacher  decided to have her young class memorize
> one of the most quoted passages in  the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the
> youngsters a month to learn the verse.  Little Rick was excited about
> the task -- but, he just couldn't remember  the Psalm. After much
> practice, he could barely get past the first  line.  On the day that
> the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23  in front of the congregation,
>
> Ricky was  so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped
> up to the microphone and  said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd,
> and that's all I need to  know."
>
>
>
>      CHURCH SMILES
>
>
>     There was a very gracious lady who was  mailing an old
> family Bible to her brother in another part of the  country. "Is there
> anything
> breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.  "Only the Ten Commandments,"
> answered  the lady.
>
>
>   WHILE DRIVING
>
>
>  While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an
> Amish carriage.  The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of
> humor, because  attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed
> sign... "Energy  efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do
> not step in  exhaust.
>
>
>
>    A QUILT
>
>
>      Sunday after church, a Mom  asked her very young daughter
> what the lesson was about.  The  daughter answered, "Don't be scared,
> you'll get your quilt." Needless to  say, the Mom was perplexed.  Later in
> the day, the pastor  stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what
> that morning's Sunday  school lesson was about.  He said "Be not
> afraid, thy comforter  is coming."
>
>
>        Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
>       The  grace to see a joke,
>       To get some  humor out of life,
>       And pass it on to  other folk.
>

[pdmattox]

Good stuff.  Kids do say the darnd :-Dest things.

[buzzbeejr]

My favorite is "While Driving"