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Author Topic: Atlanta  (Read 921 times)
Understudy
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« on: December 19, 2006, 11:19:53 PM »

Since I have been commuting between home and Atlanta. I have come to appreciate this set of jokes. They are all way to true.

Subject: : ATLANTA

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia,
has ever lived in Atlanta,
has ever visited Atlanta,
ever plans to visit Atlanta,
knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta,
 or
knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta wink)

Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets.
The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start
over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.

All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase,

"When you see the Waffle House."

Except that, in Cobb County, where all
directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken."

Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused
with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
or
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.

Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home.
If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down
Peachtree.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola.
Coke's all they drink there, so don't ask for any other soft drink
unless it's made by Coca-Cola.

The gates at Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport are about 32
miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.

The 8am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5pm rush hour is from
3:00 to 7:30 PM.

Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2am
Saturday.

Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the
Spanish pronunciation.

People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The
Atlanta pronunciation is "pawntz duh LEE-awn."

And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."

The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget
all traffic rules.

If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and
it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week.

Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled
water, toilet paper, and beer.

I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta, which has a posted speed limit
of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run
over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."

Don't believe the directional markers on highways:
I-285 is marked "East" and "West" but you may be going North or South.


The locals identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and
the "Outer Loop."

If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast. 


Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta.
Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the
middle of the road.   

The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless
your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a
full clip.

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a
couple no one has seen before.

If it grows, it sticks.
If it crawls, it bites.
If you notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have
about 20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and
covered with Kudzu, another ill-advised "import," like the carp,
starling, English sparrow, and other ''exotic wonders."

It's not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.

"Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store).

Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you're 2 years old.

"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

If you understand these jokes, forward them to your friends from
Atlanta, Georgia and those who just wish they were.

Lordy, I love Jawja!



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The status is not quo. The world is a mess and I just need to rule it. Dr. Horrible
Cindi
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Location: Grindrod, B.C. Canada


« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2006, 11:22:24 PM »

Holy smoke!!!!  What a mouthful, wouldn't want to visit Atlanta. lol. Great day. Cindi
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There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold.  The Arctic trails have their secret tales that would make your blood run cold.  The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, but the queerest they ever did see, what the night on the marge of Lake Lebarge, I cremated Sam McGee.  Robert Service
kathyp
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Location: boring, oregon


« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2006, 11:16:25 AM »

i haven't lived in Atlanta, but have lived around the south off and on.  with a few variations, that fits many places i've been. 

i have a very old cook book that tells how to cook opossum.  it gives different directions depending on the age of the opossum to be prepared.....and what to do with road kill  tongue 
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.....The greatest changes occur in their country without their cooperation. They are not even aware of precisely what has taken place. They suspect it; they have heard of the event by chance. More than that, they are unconcerned with the fortunes of their village, the safety of their streets, the fate of their church and its vestry. They think that such things have nothing to do with them, that they belong to a powerful stranger called “the government.” They enjoy these goods as tenants, without a sense of ownership, and never give a thought to how they might be improved.....

 Alexis de Tocqueville
IndianaBrown
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« Reply #3 on: December 20, 2006, 08:30:34 PM »

I have visited Atlanta a few times.  I had some friends and family who used to live there.  The Peachtree thing is no exaggeration!

In some parts of Georgia, the question 'What would you like to drink?' is often phrased as 'What kind of Coke do you want?'  To which you could answer 'Pepsi', '7-Up', or any other flavor of soft drink.  Smiley

Kudzu is evil!

In the Pittsburgh, PA area, the 'jeet' thing goes one step further.  The following is a complete conversation between 2 hungry people:
"Jeet jet?"
"No ju?
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Cindi
Galactic Bee
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Gender: Female
Posts: 9827

Location: Grindrod, B.C. Canada


« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2006, 12:05:52 AM »

i haven't lived in Atlanta, but have lived around the south off and on.  with a few variations, that fits many places i've been. 

i have a very old cook book that tells how to cook opossum.  it gives different directions depending on the age of the opossum to be prepared.....and what to do with road kill  tongue 

Kathy, ha, one day I have a story to tell about road kill.  Not tonight, but maybe over the holidays.  Great day. Cindi
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There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold.  The Arctic trails have their secret tales that would make your blood run cold.  The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, but the queerest they ever did see, what the night on the marge of Lake Lebarge, I cremated Sam McGee.  Robert Service
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