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Author Topic: Hey Jeff Foxworthy there`s material here  (Read 2764 times)

Offline buzzbeejr

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Hey Jeff Foxworthy there`s material here
« on: November 16, 2006, 07:57:43 PM »
you might be a redneck if ......
1. you do your family tree and there's not many branches
2. your mom tells you to do your chores and you throw away the paper plates from two weeks ago.
3. when in your truck bed you have acanopy when its actually a can of pee.
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wheres some from his redneck dictoinary
« Last Edit: November 18, 2006, 05:18:21 PM by buzzbeejr »
MMMMMMMMM!!!!!! Doughnuts.- Homer Simpson

Offline beemaster

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Re: Hey Bill Engvall there`s material here
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2006, 06:40:26 AM »
I always thought it was "My family is sooooo Redneck, our family tree is a telephone pole!" :)

You know your a redneck when that CARD BOARD CENTER looks mighty inviting when the toilet paper runs out!


10 Ways to tell if a Redneck has been working on a Computer



10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

_______________________-

Question: What do you call the sight of a plumber under the sink with his pants creeping down, exposing his crack?

Answer: Redneck Cleavage.

________________________

 
Question: How long does it takes a redneck to eat road kill?

Answer: It depends on how heavy the traffic is.


_____________________________
 
Question: What are the last words of a redneck?

Answer: "Hey y'all check this out!"

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You know you're staying in a redneck motel, when you call up the front desk to say you gotta leak in the sink, and the guy says, "Go ahead."


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Hope my family members don't get insulted, but I do have a dead uncle that has a tombstone carved out like an 18 wheeler semi-truck. His wife was driving with him, and she's not dead yet, but the enscryption says, "One fine team". Sorry Aunt Annamae!

___________________________________________

 
Question: How do you recognize an Aussie Redneck?

Answer: You look up his family tree and most of them are still in it!!

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Question: What do you call a New Zealand Redneck with 6 sheep?

Answer: A pimp.


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Question: Why do Aussie Rednecks curl their cowboy hats up at the sides?

Answer: So the can fit 3 abreast in a pickup.

_______________________________

 
Famous last words of a Redneck: "Hey! I got it!"

Redneck ugly date test: Does your dog hump her leg with his eyes open, or shut?

_________________________________

Question: What does a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common?

Answer: One way or the other someone is losing their trailer!

____________________________________


Question: Why do they throw DOG CRAP on the walls at rednack weddings?

Answer: To keep the flies off the bride!


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Question: What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?

Answer: A northern fairy tale begins with, "Once upon a time. . . " A southern fairy tale begins with, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this . . . "

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NASCAR:

Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks

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Question: What does a West Virginian do when his truck breaks down?

Answer: He builds a house beside it.

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What do you call the sweat produced when two rednecks are making out
Relative humidity.


_____________________________
 
What does a redneck call hitting a deer at 65 mph?

Fast food.

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Who was the first redneck in the Bible?

Cain because he married his sister.

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How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum?

Two. One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic.

____________________________________

 
Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says, "Bout what?"

 
How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married?

There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

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What do you call a room full of redneck women?

A full set of teeth!

_________________________________

How can you tell a rich redneck from a poor redneck?

*The rich redneck has two cars up on blocks in the yard.
*Five rednecks drowned in the Ohio river last week. They were trying to dig a basement in the bottom of their houseboat.


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Offline Jerrymac

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Re: Hey Bill Engvall there`s material here
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2006, 09:47:34 AM »
We all know the last words of a redneck is, "This is gonna be good."
:rainbowflower:  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.   :rainbowflower:

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Offline TwT

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Re: Hey Bill Engvall there`s material here
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2006, 09:46:33 AM »
Bill Engvall always says here's your sign, Jeff Foxworthy say's the redneck stuff...... :-P
THAT's ME TO THE LEFT JUST 5 YEARS FROM NOW!!!!!!!!

Never be afraid to try something new.
Amateurs built the ark,
Professionals built the Titanic

Offline buzzbee

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Re: Hey Bill Engvall there`s material here
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2006, 10:12:05 AM »
TWT,
Just say Larrys phrase
Git er done!!

Offline buzzbeejr

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Re: Hey Bill Engvall there`s material here
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2006, 05:13:13 PM »
sorry about that ted ill fix that :lol:
MMMMMMMMM!!!!!! Doughnuts.- Homer Simpson

Offline Jerrymac

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Re: Hey Jeff Foxworthy there`s material here
« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2006, 12:04:27 AM »
Well you know........ They all look alike
:rainbowflower:  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.   :rainbowflower:

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Offline beemaster

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Re: Hey Jeff Foxworthy there`s material here
« Reply #7 on: November 19, 2006, 07:11:56 AM »
Two REDNECK Women walk into a building... you think One of them would have seen it - ugh. my bad... I got my blondes and Rednecks confused  :-D
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Offline Jerrymac

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Re: Hey Jeff Foxworthy there`s material here
« Reply #8 on: November 19, 2006, 12:11:53 PM »
Just imagine......... A blond redneck  :shock:
:rainbowflower:  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.   :rainbowflower:

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Offline Brian D. Bray

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Re: Hey Jeff Foxworthy there`s material here
« Reply #9 on: November 20, 2006, 10:25:37 PM »
Texas A&M recently did a study and found that over 90% of rednecks were of blonde parentage the remaining 10% was equally split between redheads and pollocks.  I love pollock invention jokes:

Screen doors for submarines, ejection seats for helicopters, 1 M(man) power dump trucks, etc.
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Offline Jerrymac

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Re: Hey Jeff Foxworthy there`s material here
« Reply #10 on: November 21, 2006, 04:43:29 AM »
I think I've seen a movie where someone (Bond, James Bond???) ejects from a helecopter. The blades detatch and fly outwardly, and then the seat shoots up.
:rainbowflower:  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.   :rainbowflower:

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Offline beemaster

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Re: Hey Jeff Foxworthy there`s material here
« Reply #11 on: November 21, 2006, 07:11:04 AM »
Many WW2 era airplanes SHOOT their machine guns BETWEEN the spinning propellers - using INTERUPTORS to start and stop the gun action in perfect timing with the blade spinning. This system worked nearly flawless unless damage to the interupter (a small dead spot that worked as a SAFETY to prevent the gun from shooting) at the wrong time was damaged. Who'da thought that one up - wow. If that were invented today, it would be a multimillion dollar add-on and take 12 years to develope at a cost of about a billion dollars - lol.
« Last Edit: November 21, 2006, 09:49:11 AM by beemaster »
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