Glad to have you back, hope you like the new forum software and please stick around. Sorry to hear of your family health issues - I lost my Mom is September, we shared our home my entire life and losing her is still heavy on my mind and heart, although things are getting better, I miss her so very much.
Those who are lucky to not have experienced grief, they will not understand how crippling it can be. The anxiety and emptiness is something we all will experience eventually, it is the close relationships that are toughest to lose, so much of yourself is intertwined with the other. And seeing a loved on slowly fading away before your eyes as you stand helpless yet supportive is at best all we can do.
I have a friend who has had strained relationships with his father for decades. My own situation and suffering has helped him see that he can be the better man and fill their closing years with good memories, not bitter ones. I expressed to him strongly that "It is NOT what you do, but THAT you DID IT" which is the important thing. Spend what time you can, even if it is only listening to the stories you never spent the time prior to sit still for, or play a game of gin rummy. Even ask a simple question "What do you want to tell me that you never have before?" is a great way to learn something that will stay with you forever.
When a person is ready to leave us, we may not have the blessed luxury of saying goodbye or I love you. Don't ever let that stop you from saying it now - it is only to late, when it is to late.
Please read these posts - I think you could use a spiritual lift about now. I hope they bring you some guidance in the days ahead. God Bless you and your family.http://forum.beemaster.com/index.php?topic=6683.0http://www.beemaster.com/hometown/johng.htm
I wish your father the best and hope that his treatments keep him with you and healthy for a very long time.