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Author Topic: A goodbye Message from my Mom, Powerful faith building story  (Read 2219 times)
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« on: October 31, 2006, 01:05:48 PM »

Hi Everyone:

It has been 5 weeks since my Mother passed away. For those who don't know, my Mother and I have always lived in this home together since I was 5, her health was poor for most of my life and my wonderful wife Tracey has always selfishly accepted that our life would be one where Mom needed our help and from Mom great love and friendship to us in return.

My entire life, I never went more than 7 days without seeing my Mom and for 18 years at my current job, I would come home everyday (a 16 mile round trip) to make us lunch and spend that time together. Our relationship was never strained and we were always close. Losing her has been a physically and mentally painful process, but today a small miracle happened that has finally brought me some peace.

The day my Mom died, I was at work, my wife and a hospice nurse were tending to her, Mom fell asleep and never woke. I will never forget receiving the call from my wife telling me that Mom had passed on. Over the many years my Mom had many operations, heart bypasses, a lung and breast removal and several others. None more crippling than losing her right lung which put her on 3.5 liters of oxygen per minute for nearly 4 years - she was always tethered to a 25 foot long hose to a oxygen concentrating machine.

Several times I had seen her start a GOODBYE LETTER to me, but each time she would recover and I knew she ripped up those notes, but something had always told me she written one that meant for me to find and bring some peace and closure to my troubled heart.

I had searched seemingly everywhere, old pocketbooks and any place I think she would hide a letter for me to find after she was gone, but time and time again I found nothing of importance. My heart has been heavy and I felt in my spirit that I'm missing it, where could a goodbye letter be, if indeed she hadn't torn up every copy ever written?

After she passed, I found a large blue folder to keep all estate related papers in, death certificates, any banks statements and probate papers, etc.. Mom never had much except a few dollars she had marked for funeral expenses and our home. I kept this blue folder which grew to nearly an inch thick with all the redundant collection of documents that follow a persons passing.

I have kept This blue folder above my computer on the self above me since I started collecting these necessary documents and although my shelf is tidy, it is also packed with books and other folders and as the blue folder grew in size it became a little harder and harder to push into its slot.

Today after pulling it out to get something from it, I tried putting it back and it just wouldn't fit in and stay in place - it all but fell into my hands after I set it in place. Frustrated, I reached into the slot where the blue folder was kept, and keep in mind I could have placed this folder anywhere along this 5 foot shelf or even in my file cabinet - but when I reached in to see what was causing the blue folder from staying in place, I found a small hard binder notepad, I opened it up and there was my Mom's goodbye letter in my hands!

5 weeks of searching and of all the hundreds of places that my Mom could have put this final note to me was the one place I never would have thought to look, she never came near this desk or the computer. The sheer fact that her blue folder nearly jumped out at me and my impatience to find what was stopping it from shelving brought me to the treasure I had seek-ed since she moved on to be with my Brother, Father and God.

Don't ever tell me miracles don't happen, they do. This letter will be with my as long as I live, it simple says - minus some private stuff:


"Dear Son:

It's been 25 years and I'm glad I'm going home. No more pain, that's nice. Only sorry I put you through all I have. I know I'm bitchy, but I can't help it. I'll see you when you come home, have a nice life! I love you so much, you and Tracey are all I have. Love Mom."


This may not be the epic novel I would write, but it sure is my Mom, I can hear her voice when I read this. I want my Mom to know that she was NEVER a bother and surely is not to be sorry for anything that I ever did for her. I also believe and pray each night we see each other again in time. I will never not miss her, but my healing can now Begin, thanks to a small miracle - I got my goodbye letter and it means the world to me, better than I could ever write - no man is talented enough to express the fulfillment this simple note has brought to me in my very tough time of mourning.

It is a beautiful day, I have cried with a thousand emotions flooding my body and mind. Nope, don't ever say that miracles never happen, I now have and hold one and it is a gift from God.
« Last Edit: November 11, 2006, 12:27:12 AM by beemaster » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2006, 03:54:24 PM »

Very touching and I am glad you can get some peace from what your Mom was able to leave for you. A few words at the right time in your life can carry much more meaning than any body could ever imagine. Savor it as a moment with your Mom!!                       Ken
« Last Edit: November 10, 2006, 12:12:47 PM by beemaster » Logged
IndianaBrown
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« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2006, 12:09:11 AM »

John,

I lost my father to cancer in 1988 when I was 23 years old.  Ever since then I have dreams where he did not die.  In the dreams it is a unspoken but understood that he was very sick for awhile, and he seems to be weak but otherwise healthy.  We have many conversations in those dreams although I remember very little of what we talked about when I wake up.  Sometimes when I am awake it startles me to recall that he actually did die.  I miss him every day, especially now that I have children of my own.  But when I really need to talk with him, somehow he is still there for me.

I am glad to hear that you found the letter.  I hope it brings you great comfort, helps bring closure to your pain, and helps keep your memories close to your heart.

Rob
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« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2006, 08:11:05 PM »

I can relate to that experience.  As both my Mom and later, my Dad came within days of the end I was asked by each of them to give them a blessing.  As I preformed the blessings they had requested I could see them in the next world, happy, together, still very much in love with each other just as they were here on earth. 

I saw them in white robes, living in a fine mansion together and interacting with the generations of the family that had proceeded them.  When Christ said that he was going to create many mansions for his believers that is just what he did.  They each have come back once or twice to give me council.  I could feel their presence and hear their voices and on two occasions I've seen their spiritual beings.  They now look like they're in their late teens or early twenties.

In giviing them their blessings I recieved revelations about them that as made it easier than any other member of the family in adjusting to their passing.

For those who might think this is lunacy please note that much as been wrtitten about "Life after Life."  Both my Dad and I have had such experiences, which, I believe, is why I had the ones at the time of my parents passing. 

An Athiest is a person who has never had the opportunity to die and live to tell about it.
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« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2006, 09:01:35 PM »

very touching john
          josh Smiley
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« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2006, 01:36:19 AM »

I am so glad you found the note. Your Mum was a very strong person and her love for you was immense. The love and care you showed for your mother gave her more days in this life I am sure. No son could have done more for his mother than you. It is obvious to all of us here.  Being as close as you were makes your loss as great as it could be.

 Mums say things like that, the older generation especially who have lived through so much never want to be a bother to anyone. If the house was on my fire my Mum would have rung the fire brigade and said "I hope im not bothering you during your tea but my house is on fire".

I think your mother put it there, knowing that one day, sooner or later, when you needed to read those words, you would find it there and it would give you great comfort.

Its a terrible struggle we are going through brother, we will get over it in time. Its what any mother would want.

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beemaster
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« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2006, 11:58:14 AM »

Mick:

Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot to me. Being as close as we were surely made it tougher and unique in many ways. This is my first Holiday (our Thanksgiving Day today) and her Birthday is Sunday - some years the two fell on the same day since Thanksgiving is always a Thursday.

It is strange and sad to not have her here, seeing the empty space where she spent so much time in our living room and eventually passed there still haunts me to see each time I go into our living room. It is a strange feeling to know she was there one minute and not the next, but in my heart and mind and in my writings she will always live on.

I was talking to the men and lady I have grown to call family in Ventrilo chat that I want Beemaster.com to live on as a legacy beyond my own time here on Earth. In the 9 or so years since I started my site and nearly our "forth anniversary" as a forum family and community, I have experienced great friendships and that shouldn't end just because I will someday not be around to see it grow and evolve.

I'll be setting up a website trust fund to keep the website and forums around for a very long time - and although I hope to be around a long time, no one knows what life will bring. I surely have talented people with passion, common sense and good moral values to always lead the way and pass the torch when it is their turn to do so.

Having a legacy doesn't have to be a family, something my wife and I were not blessed with children, so we are blessed to have each other. But to know that the forums will go on and Beemaster.com will always represent family ideals and community based education is a legacy I can be proud to leave behind. Having the many friends I have made through the forums, and the interesting opportunities I have had through the website has always fascinated me. It has been ripples in the pond, each spreading out and echoing wonderful new adventures.

It is strange how life turns out, no one can expect the unexpected - we can only prepare for the worse and hope for the best. I hope that many decades from now, someone NOT even born yet may learn about honeybees from a site that was just a dream from a backyard beekeeper with a modest dream of building something wonderful - I hope that I have succeeded, or will in the time God blesses me here on this Earth.

God Bless you Mick, you are in many people's hearts and prayers and I know you will be fine!
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Brian D. Bray
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« Reply #7 on: November 24, 2006, 11:40:34 PM »

I have a granddaughter with the same birthday as your mother.  Her birthday is The Sunday after Thankgiving this year too.  Rejoice in her freedom from pain and worry.
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