My friend, I send you any words written by Miguel de Cervantes, padre de Don Quijote. And please, reconquest your live.
"I have lived almost fifty years, and I have seen life as it is...pain, misery, hunger, cruelty beyond belief! I have heard the singing from taverns, and the moans from the bundles of filth in the streets. I have been a soldier, and I've seen my comrades fall in battle--or die more slowly, under the lash in Africa. I have held them in my arms at the final moment. These were men who saw life as it is, and yet they died despairing! No glory, no gallant last words, only their eyes...filled with confusion...whimpering the question "Why?"
I do not think they were asking why they were dying, but why they had lived.
When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Too much sanity may be madness...to seek treasure, where there is only trash. Perhaps to be practical is madness. And maddest of all, to see life as it is, and not as it ought to be!"