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Author Topic: Cop Humor  (Read 1160 times)

Offline Brian D. Bray

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Cop Humor
« on: September 17, 2006, 01:57:04 AM »
Being a retired cop I enjoy cop humor.  I often tell people that I'm a retired traffic cop and would still rather forget my pistol than my pen.

Try these:

A motor cop (Motorcyle) pulled over a lady for speeding.  
He asks for her drivers license.  
She gives it to him.  
He says, "Lady it says her you need corrective lens for driving and I don't see any glasses."
She answers, "But officer I have contacts."
Cop says, "I don't care who you know lady, you're suppose to have glasses on when you drive."

A CHP officer pulls over a lady for speeding.  He asks for her license.  She says, "I haven't had one for over 4 years."
"Will let me see your registration then."
The lady says, "I don't have any registration because I stole the car, killed the driver and put his body in the trunk."
The CHP officer decides he needs backup before he opens the trunk.
2nd officer arrives and after talking to 1st officer asks the lady for her drivers license.
She gives it to him.
He asks for her registration.
She shows it to him.
The 2nd officer begins to think somethings haywire but asks for her to open her trunk.
The trunk is empty except for the spare tire.
The 2nd officer says, "Lady, the other officer told me you had no drivers license, no registration, had stolen the car, killed the driver, and stuffed his body in the trunk."
"Why that liar," Exclaims the Lady, "I'll bet he told you I was speeding too."

Here's a true story:
While home on leave from the Army during Vietnam War I was riding with my father who was the chief of police in a small town in the suburbs of Seattle.  
He was operating radar while doing some paper work.  
A speeding car set off the alarm on the radar and showed a speed of 52 mph in a 25 mph zone.  
We began pursuit and soon caught up to the speeding car.  
The emergency lights were turned on with no response from the driver.  The horn was used along with the bubble gum machine and still no response from the driver who maintained a pace in excess of 50 mph.
The siren was sounded and the car pulled over to the side of the road so fast my father had a hard time not colliding with it.
My father approached the car from the drivers side and I approached from the passengers side, per SOP at the time.
I arrived at the door (the window was down) in time to hear the lady with tear stained face exclaim, "You made me pee my pants!"
She was trying to get to the gas station at the north end of town to use the restroom.
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