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Author Topic: The Divorce  (Read 656 times)

Offline GSF

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The Divorce
« on: February 10, 2014, 08:39:07 PM »
Dave had caught his wife cheating on him and for him, it was the last straw in a line of last straws. 

So, on the first day following the divorce agreement, he sadly packed his  belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the  second day, he had the movers come and collect his  things.  On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table, by candlelight.  He feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring water.

When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half eaten shrimp dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the  curtain rods.

He then cleaned up the kitchen and took out the trash as he left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing out the place.  Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.
   
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days.  They had the attic checked for dead squirrels, tore open the walls and replaced the insulation and even put in new drainage pipes to the sewer line.  In the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. . . Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

Then the maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house even at 1/10th of the original price.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then Dave called his ex and asked how things were going.

She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly.  In fact, he missed it so much that if she were willing to reduce the divorce settlement, he would pay the going rate for their old house.           

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was only 1/10th of what the house had been worth ... but only if he would sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ......  and to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods!

           

            I LOVE A  HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
"Life is hard, It's even harder when you're stupid."

John Wayne

Offline tefer2

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Re: The Divorce
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2014, 09:03:23 PM »
I'm stealing this one!  X:X X:X X:X

Offline sawdstmakr

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Re: The Divorce
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2014, 10:39:29 PM »
I'm not stealing it but I will remember it.  :-D
Jim
"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed.  If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed."--Mark Twain

Offline stanisr

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Re: The Divorce
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2014, 10:45:49 PM »
 :cheer:
Rick

 

anything