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Author Topic: The House behind the House  (Read 517 times)
GSF
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Location: Central AL (nw corner of Elmore County)


« on: January 02, 2014, 08:48:23 PM »

Thought yall might get a chuckle out of this;


The House Behind The House
 

One of my fondest memories

As I recall the days of yore

Was the little house, behind the house,

With the crescent o'er the door. 

 

'Twas a place to sit and ponder

With your head all bowed down low;

Knowing that you wouldn't be there,

If you didn't have to go.

 

Ours was a multi-holer, three,

With a size for every one.

You left there feeling better,

After your job was done.

 

You had to make those frequent trips

In snow, rain, sleet, or fog--

To that little house where you usually

Found the Sears catalog.

 

Oft times in dead of winter,

The seat was spread with snow.

Twas then with much reluctance,

To that little house you'd go.

 

With a swish you'd clear that wooden seat,

Bend low, with dreadful fear

You'd shut your eyes and grit your teeth

As you settled on your rear.

 

I recall the day Ol' Granddad,

Who stayed with us one summer,

Made a trip out to that little house

Which proved to be a bummer.

 

'Twas the same day that my Dad had

Finished painting the kitchen green.

He'd just cleaned up the mess he'd made

With rags and gasoline.

 

He tossed the rags down in the hole

Went on his usual way

Not knowing that by doing so

He'd eventually rue the day.

 

Now Granddad had an urgent call,

I never will forget!

This trip he made to the little house

Stays in my memory yet.

 

He sat down on the wooden seat,

With both feet on the floor.

He filled his pipe and tapped it down

And struck a match on the outhouse door.

 

He lit the pipe and sure enough,

It soon began to glow.

He slowly raised his rear a bit

And tossed the flaming match below.

 

The Blast that followed, I am told

Was heard for miles around;

And there was poor ol' Granddad

Sprawled out there on the ground.

 

The smoldering pipe still in his mouth,

His eyes were shut real tight;

The celebrated three- holer

Was blown clear out of sight.

 

We asked him what had happened,

What he said I'll ne'er forget.

He said he thought it must have been

The pinto beans he et !

 

Next day we had a new one

Dad put it up with ease.

But this one had a door sign

That read: No Smoking, Please

 

Now that's the story's end my friend,

Of memories long ago,

When we went to the house behind the house,

Because we had to go.

 

For those who never had to trot out in the Cold...

Just Give Thanks!
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"Life is hard, It's even harder when you're stupid."

John Wayne
Vance G
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Location: Great Falls,Montana


« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2014, 02:36:33 PM »

I remember when I went to college and for the first time did not have to make the trek to the outhouse!  When one of the scholarship black athletes started regailing me about life in the GHET TOW and the cold water walk up when  growing up.  I quietly did some educating and offered him a plate at the family dinner for Christmas so he could understand the difference.  He declined but he never talked S---t to me again.  Nothing is a more breathtaking moment then sitting down at literally -40F within  five miles of where Saskatchewan and Manitoba meet! 

The positive is that I saw the Northern lights hundreds of times.  You learn the stars.  And it is always a one upper story.  Anyone know what knocking off the peak means?
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stella
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« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2014, 06:49:56 PM »

Nice, GFS!
I have a fondness for outhouses. Grew up with one at the family cabin. I remember skipping down the forested  path, lined with expired snowmobile treads, flashlight beam bouncing off the trees. 2 holer. One signed for "lil butts" so Dad or Mom could accompany a little one and get the job done in one sitting. No waiting.

Lots of funny outhouse memories....hiding in there smoking cigarettes as a teen, the time a critter fell in the hole and we had to put it out of its misery, hiding behind it in the dark to scare the next visitor. Ha!
Thanks for the trip down memory lane.
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“The hum of bees is the voice of the garden.” — Elizabeth Lawrence
GSF
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« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2014, 07:39:35 PM »


Those ol wasps will make you run with your britches down to your knees.
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"Life is hard, It's even harder when you're stupid."

John Wayne
sawdstmakr
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Location: Jacksonville FL


« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2014, 07:46:43 PM »

Enjoyed it.
Jim
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Vance G
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« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2014, 08:47:34 PM »

The folks who let me hunt antelope on their place have an outhouse down by the machine shop and it gets used by any camping hunters.  One night I had just dropped trou and was starting to sit when a critter came out of the hole between my legs and started doing laps around the outhouse!  I got the door open and it turned out to be a cat, but I was now fully awake and no longer had to go! 
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stella
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« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2014, 08:55:29 PM »

Vance.... lau lau
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“The hum of bees is the voice of the garden.” — Elizabeth Lawrence
jayj200
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Location: south Florida


« Reply #7 on: June 30, 2014, 08:44:37 AM »

best laugh I've had in years. just the 10 changing scenarios in my head made it wonderful
jay
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Michael Bush
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« Reply #8 on: July 04, 2014, 12:36:42 PM »

To tell the truth I preferred them in the winter... they smelled much better...  Also, if you take the seat in the house and hang it on the wall and take it with you when you go, it's still cold, but it's not -40 F anymore...
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Michael Bush
My website:  bushfarms.com/bees.htm
My book:  ThePracticalBeekeeper.com
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"Everything works if you let it."--Rick Nielsen
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