Letterman's Top 10 Reasons to Vote Democrat
1. I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.
2. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companys' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.
3. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
4. I voted Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
5. I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that get police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.
6. I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.
7. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away the social security from those who paid into it.
8. I voted Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.
9. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
10. I voted Democrat because I think that it's better to pay billions for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish.