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Author Topic: The difference between a Northern and a Southern Football Game.  (Read 350 times)
GSF
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Posts: 1957

Location: Central AL (nw corner of Elmore County)


« on: September 09, 2013, 02:08:33 PM »

The difference between a Southern and Northern football game.


Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Captain Morgan/Crown. Money is not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Cheerleaders:
NORTH: If you are coordinated, you make the varsity squad.
SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few students that might actually make it to class.

Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave .

Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who comes over during breaks and asks for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for mixin'.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air after the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of Captain Morgan/Crown.

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: Dagummit! You slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "Wow guys, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: Dagummit! You slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!

Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Fraternity houses are rockin', and another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next week's game.
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"Life is hard, It's even harder when you're stupid."

John Wayne
tefer2
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Location: Kalamazoo,MI


« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2013, 03:18:22 PM »

 HaHaHa! applause
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Michael Bush
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« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2013, 02:22:37 PM »

Half of those Southern ones are no joke here in Nebraska.

Stadium Size:
High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

I think some of them will hold more the population of the town...

Getting Tickets:
5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.

Actually I don't think 5 months will get you a ticket at all.  I'm pretty sure they are sold out a year in advance...

Parking:
RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Many of the fans in Nebraska drive from the Panhandle... 500 miles away...

Tailgating:
30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who comes over during breaks and asks for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

I haven't seen Dave Mathew's Band here... but the tailgating is legendary...

Getting to the Stadium:
When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

This is often stated here in Nebraska... that the stadium on game day is the third largest city.  The third largest city is Bellevue (really a suburb of Omaha) at 50,000.  The stadium has had as many as 91,185 in it.  It sells out every time.  They have had 326 consecutive sellouts, which began in 1962.

When National Anthem is Played:
100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

Well, 91,000 of them probably do...

Announcers:
Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
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Michael Bush
My website:  bushfarms.com/bees.htm
My book:  ThePracticalBeekeeper.com
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GSF
Super Bee
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Gender: Male
Posts: 1957

Location: Central AL (nw corner of Elmore County)


« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2013, 02:53:32 PM »

yeah I was thinking that it might not just be a southern thing. However my aunt in Michigan sent this to me.

I've been reading a lot on your website off and on. I really like it, very informative, and in some cases reassuring.
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"Life is hard, It's even harder when you're stupid."

John Wayne
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