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Author Topic: Letter to red states (Read 169 times)
Maryland Beekeeper
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Letter to red states
« on: November 17, 2012, 12:46:35 PM »
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Dear Red States:
We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've
decided we're leaving.
We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other
Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the
Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to
the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).
To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd
Akin.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get* Intel* and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard (*Princeton, Penn, Haverford, Colgate, U of R)*,. You get
Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay
their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
moms.
With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the
country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of
the nation's fresh fruit, *95% of America's quality wines* (you can serve
French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high
tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods,
sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard,
Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans
and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly
100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists,
virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a
whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty
or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was
involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with
higher morals then we lefties.
We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,
Citizen of the Enlightened States of America
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BlueBee
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2012, 01:18:12 PM »
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grin
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asprince
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2012, 01:22:09 PM »
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Y'all going to be cold and hungry.
Steve
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When they call the roll in the Senate, the senators do not know whether to answer 'present' or 'guilty.' Theodore Roosevelt
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Fox Creek
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2012, 01:45:00 PM »
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All I can say,...You can have Ca. Good luck!
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kathyp
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2012, 03:40:40 PM »
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go for it. we get the people who know how to take care of themselves. i think steve has it right. grin
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In the end, more than freedom, they wanted security. They wanted a comfortable life, and they lost it all security, comfort, and freedom. When the Athenians finally wanted not to give to society but for society to give to them, when the freedom they wished for most was freedom from responsibility, then Athens ceased to be free and was never free again.
― Edward Gibbon
Vance G
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2012, 03:52:53 PM »
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Sure sounds like a winner to me! Don't let the door hit you on the way out. We will defend our borders though, so if you want to emigrate, be aware we say the pledge allegiance and will teach our children about the constitution. Since you don't like it or use it, we will keep the whole thing! We will teach our children to respect their nation and respect other peoples right to practice a religion and we will allow free speech. The price of food just went up for you. I guess personally I can make do very well with good beer and bourbon. I don't think I will need to be drinking the cheese eating surrender monkies production. Scuppernog wine will do fine too. I hope your windmills and solar panels work out well because we have the natural gas and oil. Montana, Wyoming and North Dakota have a thousand years of coal if we need it and the Bakken will keep us in oil long after you are gone. We can also drill in our huge coastal waters and keep down shipping costs from northern Real America and that is where refineries are. Since you get to keep the green fools and the EPA, we can build more now. I am sure you won't want to burn your low sulpher coal or fracture shale thousands of feet below the water table for natural gas. I just feel sorry for all those children starving to death in the dark. We probably will adopt any you haven't aborted. I don't thing Real America will be big on the grandchildren murdering business. We will leave that to you elites. Farewell! It's been real and it's been fun.----- I think I'll have gulf shrimp and Alaskan King Crab and good beef tonight while you are savoring your tofu.
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kathyp
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2012, 04:10:11 PM »
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+, since you don't like it much anyway, we'll take the constitution off your hands!
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In the end, more than freedom, they wanted security. They wanted a comfortable life, and they lost it all security, comfort, and freedom. When the Athenians finally wanted not to give to society but for society to give to them, when the freedom they wished for most was freedom from responsibility, then Athens ceased to be free and was never free again.
― Edward Gibbon
iddee
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2012, 05:18:14 PM »
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Sounds wonderful, but why not make it simple and say we get the groceries and you will take the trash and crap the next day. That's the way I read your post. grin
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2012, 05:57:54 PM »
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State Federal Spending per Dollar of Federal Taxes
New Mexico $2.03
Mississippi $2.02
Alaska $1.84
Louisiana $1.78
West Virginia $1.76
North Dakota $1.68
Alabama $1.66
South Dakota $1.53
Kentucky $1.51
Virginia $1.51
Montana $1.47
Hawaii $1.44
Maine $1.41
Arkansas $1.41
Oklahoma $1.36
South Carolina $1.35
Missouri $1.32
Maryland $1.30
Tennessee $1.27
Idaho $1.21
Arizona $1.19
Kansas $1.12
Wyoming $1.11
Iowa $1.10
Nebraska $1.10
Vermont $1.08
North Carolina $1.08
Pennsylvania $1.07
Utah $1.07
Indiana $1.05
Ohio $1.05
Georgia $1.01
Rhode Island $1.00
Florida $0.97
Texas $0.94
Oregon $0.93
Michigan $0.92
Washington $0.88
Wisconsin $0.86
Massachusetts $0.82
Colorado $0.81
New York $0.79
California $0.78
Delaware $0.77
Illinois $0.75
Minnesota $0.72
New Hampshire $0.71
Connecticut $0.69
Nevada $0.65
New Jersey $0.61
District of Columbia $5.55
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Maryland Beekeeper
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2012, 06:17:34 PM »
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Interesting that the trend seems to be that blue states subsidize red states yet red states are the ones always complaining about paying to much taxes.
Cheers,
Drew
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kathyp
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #10 on: November 17, 2012, 06:28:22 PM »
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as i skim through there, i'm guessing that's not very up to date. look at CA, which we know is in pretty bad shape right now. i'm guessing that's not the current rate of government spending there. not that it matters. as pointed out, you make keep your federal dollars and keep your dependent people. since most of your folks are clumped up in cities and don't have a clue how to survive unless the cabs or subway are running, and certainly can't survive any natural disasters, i think we'll be ok.
if you source your data it's helpful.
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In the end, more than freedom, they wanted security. They wanted a comfortable life, and they lost it all security, comfort, and freedom. When the Athenians finally wanted not to give to society but for society to give to them, when the freedom they wished for most was freedom from responsibility, then Athens ceased to be free and was never free again.
― Edward Gibbon
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2012, 06:41:03 PM »
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I'm happy myself...been wanting to shoot all these tourists for a long time anyway (why do they call it "tourist season" if we can't shoot 'em?)
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"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907
asprince
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2012, 06:47:20 PM »
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We will get rich here in Georgia when we charge a toll on I75 and I95. All those yankees and snowbirds visiting Florida.
Steve
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When they call the roll in the Senate, the senators do not know whether to answer 'present' or 'guilty.' Theodore Roosevelt
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? unknown
kathyp
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2012, 08:19:54 PM »
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and there is another flaw in the plan.
http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mejn/election/2012/countymaprb1024.pngunless you plan on making people stay in your state even if they are red, you are going to be living in your urban clusters with the rest of your state abandoned.
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In the end, more than freedom, they wanted security. They wanted a comfortable life, and they lost it all security, comfort, and freedom. When the Athenians finally wanted not to give to society but for society to give to them, when the freedom they wished for most was freedom from responsibility, then Athens ceased to be free and was never free again.
― Edward Gibbon
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2012, 11:55:34 PM »
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OK, now who gets KathyP? She seems to be living in a blue state.
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iddee
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #15 on: Today at 07:38:45 AM »
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We do. Now see, there's your biggest loss.
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"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"
*Shel Silverstein*
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Re: Letter to red states
« Reply #16 on: Today at 07:41:42 AM »
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Lets see where the natural resources,coal,oil, will be. And the breadbasket of America. You clowns may need to eat. I can see PA slicing off the eastern 40 miles and taking the rest to a red area. The only blue part of PA is that urban cluster in the east. It really should be part of NJ.
And the idea of being ticked off because we do not drink the kool aid and think for ourselves is your perogative.
The data in the chart is old:
http://taxfoundation.org/article/federal-spending-received-dollar-taxes-paid-state-2005And yes, I do believe an unborn child should have as equal of protection under the law as a convicted killer does. People asking us to fund abortions at the federal level for purposes of birth control or gender selection are asking for a bit much.
