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iddee
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« on: June 20, 2012, 09:37:33 PM » |
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HOW TO INSTALL A JP HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of ‘Guns & Ammo’
magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Bubba,
Betty Sue, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and
messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard
to tell
from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be
rightback.
- JP
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"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"
*Shel Silverstein*
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lenape13
Field Bee
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Posts: 612
Location: Belle Vernon, PA
We survive together, or not at all!
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« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2012, 11:35:10 PM » |
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kathyp
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« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2012, 11:47:35 PM » |
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"What has destroyed liberty and the rights of man in every
government which has ever existed under the sun? The generalizing
and concentrating all cares and powers into one body, no matter
whether of the autocrats of Russia or France, or of the
aristocrats of a Venetian Senate." --Thomas Jefferson to Joseph C.
Cabell, 1816.
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Larry Bees
Field Bee
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Location: Mims, Florida
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« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2012, 02:06:27 PM » |
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AllenF
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« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2012, 04:18:53 PM » |
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Michael Bush
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« Reply #6 on: June 21, 2012, 08:14:06 PM » |
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The old story that used to go around was some people who had a cabin in the mountains. They really didn't mind people using it, but when they posted things like "enjoy the cabin, but please clean up after yourself" they would come back to find the place trashed. Finally they tried just locking it and people would kick in the door and still trash it. They got an NRA sticker and put it on the front door. Then they put a note on the door that said "Jake, I'm up in the north meadow hunting sheep. Be back when I get one" and no one ever broke in again.
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JP
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« Reply #7 on: June 22, 2012, 08:38:28 AM » |
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I may need to get a sign that says if the dogs don't get ya the four foot lizard, three snakes and eight scorpions will likely take up the slack.  ...JP |
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sawdstmakr
Queen Bee
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Location: Jacksonville FL
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« Reply #8 on: June 22, 2012, 12:02:29 PM » |
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My work shop has large spider webs in them with large shed spider shells. I never clean them off. Never had any one try to break in through the windows either. Jim |
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colbees
House Bee
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Location: Amsterdam, New York
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« Reply #9 on: July 02, 2012, 12:16:57 PM » |
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A swarm of bees in May is worth a load of hay; A swarm of bees in June is worth a silver spoon; A swarm of bees in July isn't worth a fly.
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