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Author Topic: JP's security alarm  (Read 2253 times)

Online iddee

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JP's security alarm
« on: June 20, 2012, 10:37:33 PM »
HOW TO INSTALL A JP HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of ‘Guns & Ammo’
magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Betty Sue, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and
messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard
to tell
from all the blood.

Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be
rightback.

- JP
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Offline lenape13

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Re: JP's security alarm
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2012, 12:35:10 AM »
 X:X

Offline kathyp

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Re: JP's security alarm
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2012, 12:47:35 AM »
 :goodpost:
One could not learn history from architecture any more than one could learn it from books. Statues, inscriptions, memorial stones, the names of streets ? anything that might throw light upon the past had been systematically altered. (1.8.85)

George Orwell  "1984"

Offline Larry Bees

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Re: JP's security alarm
« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2012, 03:06:27 PM »
That sounds like what JP would do!

 :lau: :lau: :lau: :lau: :lau:

Offline tefer2

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Re: JP's security alarm
« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2012, 03:16:35 PM »
 :th_thumbsupup:

Offline AllenF

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Re: JP's security alarm
« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2012, 05:18:53 PM »
 :-D

Offline Michael Bush

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Re: JP's security alarm
« Reply #6 on: June 21, 2012, 09:14:06 PM »
The old story that used to go around was some people who had a cabin in the mountains.  They really didn't mind people using it, but when they posted things like "enjoy the cabin, but please clean up after yourself" they would come back to find the place trashed.  Finally they tried just locking it and people would kick in the door and still trash it.  They got an NRA sticker and put it on the front door.  Then they put a note on the door that said "Jake, I'm up in the north meadow hunting sheep.  Be back when I get one" and no one ever broke in again.
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Offline JP

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Re: JP's security alarm
« Reply #7 on: June 22, 2012, 09:38:28 AM »
I may need to get a sign that says if the dogs don't get ya the four foot lizard, three snakes and eight scorpions will likely take up the slack.  :-D


...JP
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Offline sawdstmakr

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Re: JP's security alarm
« Reply #8 on: June 22, 2012, 01:02:29 PM »
My work shop has large spider webs in them with large shed spider shells. I never clean them off. Never had any one try to break in through the windows either.  :-D
Jim
"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed.  If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed."--Mark Twain

Offline colbees

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Re: JP's security alarm
« Reply #9 on: July 02, 2012, 01:16:57 PM »
 :-D
A swarm of bees in May is worth a load of hay; A swarm of bees in June is worth a silver spoon; A swarm of bees in July isn't worth a fly.

 

anything