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Author Topic: Alerts to threats in 2012 Europe (John Cleese)  (Read 2267 times)
hardwood
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« on: March 24, 2012, 06:45:46 PM »


 
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE
 
 
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "angry Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
A final thought Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

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"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907
tefer2
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« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2012, 07:22:34 PM »

that's funny! grin
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AllenF
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« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2012, 08:27:36 PM »

 grin
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bwdenen
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« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2012, 09:54:37 PM »

I don't care who you are, that's funny right there! grin
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kathyp
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« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2012, 10:03:19 PM »

 grin

i think i will borrow this.
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.....The greatest changes occur in their country without their cooperation. They are not even aware of precisely what has taken place. They suspect it; they have heard of the event by chance. More than that, they are unconcerned with the fortunes of their village, the safety of their streets, the fate of their church and its vestry. They think that such things have nothing to do with them, that they belong to a powerful stranger called “the government.” They enjoy these goods as tenants, without a sense of ownership, and never give a thought to how they might be improved.....

 Alexis de Tocqueville
nietssemaj
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« Reply #5 on: March 25, 2012, 09:14:05 AM »

Funny.. but John Cleese didn't write it.
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beee farmer
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« Reply #6 on: May 01, 2012, 01:49:10 AM »

Monty Python did LOL
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Javin
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« Reply #7 on: July 02, 2012, 03:27:55 AM »

I find it interesting that he didn't mention the United States at all.  Our levels seem to go from "Not our problem" to "Better back off," to "Didn't we TELL you to back off?  bleep... Now we have to fix you."
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colbees
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« Reply #8 on: July 02, 2012, 12:16:23 PM »

 Smiley grin Smiley grin
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A swarm of bees in May is worth a load of hay; A swarm of bees in June is worth a silver spoon; A swarm of bees in July isn't worth a fly.
sawdstmakr
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« Reply #9 on: July 12, 2012, 01:22:48 AM »

 grin grin
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"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed.  If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed."--Mark Twain
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