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Author Topic: I know you ladies can sympathize with this one  (Read 713 times)
iddee
Galactic Bee
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Gender: Male
Posts: 6308

Location: Randleman, NC


« on: December 09, 2011, 05:30:48 PM »

While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who
had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, "Your Honor,
I'm guilty but.....there were extenuating circumstances."

The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those
extenuating circumstances." I did too soooo…… I listened as the lady told
her story.

"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was
met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she
tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you
to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on
this gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right
side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm.
Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get
everything?"

"Fine", I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining
circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding
pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two
4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap! Complete
darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag." Then
she headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so
you'll have the emergency hall lights.
I'll be right back."

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba
and Earl, "maintenance men Extraordinaire"  found me...half-naked with part
of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and  the other part smashed between
glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or
possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if  I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as
possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway."

"OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been
standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no
attempt to suppress her amusement,  she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry!
The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went
to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the
clamps...."

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed."
Logged

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*
kathyp
Universal Bee
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Gender: Female
Posts: 15328


Location: boring, oregon


« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2011, 07:04:56 PM »

oh yes.....and Belinda was lucky to live!!  evil
Logged

.....The greatest changes occur in their country without their cooperation. They are not even aware of precisely what has taken place. They suspect it; they have heard of the event by chance. More than that, they are unconcerned with the fortunes of their village, the safety of their streets, the fate of their church and its vestry. They think that such things have nothing to do with them, that they belong to a powerful stranger called “the government.” They enjoy these goods as tenants, without a sense of ownership, and never give a thought to how they might be improved.....

 Alexis de Tocqueville
AllenF
Galactic Bee
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Gender: Male
Posts: 8186

Location: Hiram, Georgia


« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2011, 08:03:14 PM »

 grin     Sounds like my luck.
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