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Author Topic: Disorder in the court  (Read 806 times)

Offline iddee

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Disorder in the court
« on: March 12, 2011, 09:45:08 PM »
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are Things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while These exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS:    He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:    My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:    Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:    No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS:    Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:    I forget.
ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS:    We both do.
ATTORNEY:  Voodoo?
WITNESS:    We do.
ATTORNEY:  You do?
WITNESS:    Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, He doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:      He's 20, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:    Are you bleep me?

ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS:    Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:    Getting laid

ATTORNEY:  She had three children, right?
WITNESS:    Yes.
ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
WITNESS:    None.
ATTORNEY:  Were there any girls?
WITNESS:      Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
New attorney?

ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:    By death.
ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:    Take a guess.

ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:    He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:    Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition Notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead People?
WITNESS:    All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:    Oral...

ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:    The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:    If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:    Are you qualified to ask that question?

And last:

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a Pulse?
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began The autopsy?
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:    Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:    Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
Practicing law
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Offline vmmartin

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Re: Disorder in the court
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2011, 10:20:51 PM »
That was funny. Thanks

Offline AllenF

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Re: Disorder in the court
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2011, 10:41:08 PM »
 :lau: :lau: :lau: :lau:    Those were a riot.

Offline Brian D. Bray

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Re: Disorder in the court
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2011, 11:01:31 PM »
As a former Police officer, whose had numerous court appearances, I could add a few of my own.

Attorney:  And what color was the car?
Witness:  It was either Red or White and not Blue.
Attorney:  You know it was not Blue, but could have been Red or White?
Witness:  That's correct.
Attorney:  I find such a statement absurd, but you insist it was not Blue but could have been White or Red?
Witness:   That is correct!
Attorney: Are you sure you're not blind
Witness:  Yes sir I am.
Attorney:  You admit You're blind???
Witness: Yes, I'm color blind.
Life is a school.  What have you learned?   :brian:      The greatest danger to our society is apathy, vote in every election!