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Author Topic: Let's Offend Everybody!  (Read 1374 times)
iddee
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« on: February 14, 2011, 09:44:52 PM »

OH!  .. Let's Offend Everybody!

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar.

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong .

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal ....along with a recipe.

Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A.  A northern fairytale begins, ...'Once upon a time...'
      A southern fairytale begins, ... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this bleep.'

Q. Why doesn't  Mexico   have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, or swim are already in the United States

                        OH! shut up ... just pass it on!

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"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*
hardwood
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« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2011, 09:58:33 PM »

You got it wrong iddee.

Q: Why do the Iraqis only have driver's ed on Mon through Thur?
A: On Fridays they use the camel for sex ed.

Scott
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"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907
Brian D. Bray
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« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2011, 01:37:27 AM »

What's the name of the Chinese hernia surgeon?   Wun Hung Low

Chefs are the worlds cruelest people: they beat the eggs, stir the Wok, whip the gravey, and pound the steak.
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Life is a school.  What have you learned?   Brian      The greatest danger to our society is apathy, vote in every election!
hankdog1
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« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2011, 02:45:33 AM »

see you haven't offended me yet cause I'm a dyslexic agnostic insomniac so i lay awake at nite and wonder if there is a dog  evil
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Take me to the land of milk and honey!!!
edward
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FEED ME HONEY or I`ll smash your screen !


« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2011, 06:54:52 PM »

 lau lau lau

in dog we trust  Wink
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AllenF
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« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2011, 09:51:40 PM »

 lau lau lau  Even momma laughed.
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organicfarmer
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« Reply #6 on: February 21, 2011, 03:40:07 PM »

Sorry, as a French i feel offended. No one thought about my people. So....

The Germans, Brits, Italians, Norwegians, Spaniards, Deutch.... all went to see Dog (i mean God) and started furiously talking in the same time.
"It's unfair" "You have given everything to France" "They have the most gorgeous and longest coastline of Europe" "Beautiful beaches of sand where one can sunbath, so long one can go naked without being bothered" "The largest forest is in France as well, incredible resources in wood" "They have the highest mountain in Europe" "The variety of landscape is such that when you travel 100 kms you have seen at least 3 different types"... and on and on.
God listen and, when they are done talking, think for a moment: " You are absolutely right; i am sorry"
And God created the French.
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iddee
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« Reply #7 on: February 21, 2011, 06:14:45 PM »

The best laugh is always enjoyed most by the one laughing at himself.

Good one, organicfarmer
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"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*
JP
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« Reply #8 on: February 21, 2011, 10:18:20 PM »

Of course I had to laugh at these two, they are dead on! grin

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal ....along with a recipe.


...JP  grin
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kedgel
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« Reply #9 on: February 21, 2011, 11:03:50 PM »

While we're at it...

How do you know if you have a flamingo living next door?  They have a plastic MEXICAN in their front yard!

What is a Jewish dilemna?  FREE HAM!

How do you get 10 Belgians in a De Chevaux (a tiny French car)?  Throw in a French Fry!

And for the Aussie contingent...

Why are Aborigines called Boongs?  That's the sound they make when they bounce off the front of the Land Rover!

For the musicians... What do you do when a bass player shows up at your door?  Pay him for the PIZZA!

What's the worst part of a male to female sex change operation?  The part where they shove a straw up the nose and suck out 1/3 of the brain!

and finally, one of my personal favorites,

What do you call a liberal Democrat with half a brain?  GIFTED!
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Talent is a dull blade that cuts nothing unless wielded with great force--Pat Travers
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