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Author Topic: ABSTINENCE  (Read 1030 times)

Offline iddee

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ABSTINENCE
« on: February 16, 2011, 11:06:25 PM »
ABSTINENCE
 
  A newlywed couple wanted to join a church.  The pastor told them, "We

have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain

from sex for an entire month."

 

          The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned

To the church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was

crying, and the husband obviously was very depressed.

 

          "You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor

inquired.

         "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain

from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.

 

          The pastor asked him what happened.

 

          "Well, the first week was difficult; however, we managed to

abstain through sheer willpower.

         The second week was terrible, but with the use of

prayer, we managed to abstain.

         The third week, however, was unbearable. We tried

cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible, or anything to keep

our  minds free of carnal thoughts.

 

          But one afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and

dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I noticed that she didn't

have panties on and I was overcome with lust and I had my way with her,

right then and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly.

 

          "You understand this means you will not be welcome into our

church," stated the pastor.

 

          "We know," said the young man, hanging his head.

          "We're not welcome at Lowe's anymore, either.
 
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Offline hardwood

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Re: ABSTINENCE
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2011, 11:43:43 PM »
 :lau: :lau: :lau:
"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907

Offline Humanbeeing

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Re: ABSTINENCE
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2011, 04:25:18 AM »
 :-D :-D :-D :-D

HELP! I accidently used Drone eggs with the Hopkins method and I got Drag Queens!!!

Offline beemaster

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Re: ABSTINENCE
« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2011, 11:59:19 AM »
Off topic just a tad, but about "abstaining" - there was a woman (typical higher end Vegas club girl) she was on Big Brother USA and swore nearly every day that she was pure. Watching live mind you, I heard a Jersey Character say "Sure.. she's abstains all right, which nostril?!"

You can't make that up.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2011, 03:37:00 PM by beemaster »
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Offline AllenF

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Re: ABSTINENCE
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2011, 01:39:48 PM »
 :lau: :lau: