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Author Topic: The Fight  (Read 1679 times)
hankdog1
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« on: February 01, 2011, 12:37:06 AM »

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started...
______________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
________________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started.
________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
And then the fight started...

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Jerrymac
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« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2011, 01:12:54 AM »

Now you done it. Wife jokes.

Bjorn don't like us telling wife jokes.  Undecided
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hankdog1
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« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2011, 01:22:45 AM »

i may have to change it to bonde redneck wife then just to be the new beekeeper politicaly correct lol
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AllenF
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« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2011, 10:03:51 AM »

And that was how the fight began.
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BjornBee
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« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2011, 10:09:08 AM »

Behind every good man there is a women....and that is exactly where she should stay!  grin

Good list hankdog1.  Wink
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Irwin
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howdy all


« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2011, 04:24:21 PM »

I get it. It's OK to demoralise your wife but not a gay or black or a musslim person. I understand you now Bjornbee.
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annette
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« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2011, 10:46:06 PM »

Behind every good man there is a women....and that is exactly where she should stay! 

I'm offended !!













NOT!!!


 

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BjornBee
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« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2011, 11:30:21 AM »

I get it. It's OK to demoralise your wife but not a gay or black or a musslim person. I understand you now Bjornbee.

Not hardly Irwin. Quit giving yourself so much credit.  Wink

I've already stated my opinion very clearly. Blond jokes, Irish jokes, wife jokes....they are all jokes. Nobody is promoting religious, moral, or idealistic values in telling these jokes.

On the other hand, a bunch of good ol' boys, commenting "Yeah, we don't put up with that crap around here" in followup comments in regards to a gay spider humor, or passing off ones real feelings of probably ALL Muslims, but adding the term "terrorist" to justify statements that Muslim wives smell worse than donkeys, is a bit different. I didn't even know most terrorists were married. I thought they were single young males. So who is kidding who?

In fact, almost all the comments made after my post, did nothing to dislodge my position that these jokes are mostly told by people who really do not like gays, blacks, Muslims, etc. The argument is that it was humor, and that everyone should be able to tell these jokes. I've said nothing about that. My point was that I personally see these daily jokes for what they are. And that is not for the humor value. And I think others probably agree with that view. They however see it as a waste of time debating with such viewpoints. While I enjoy the crap out of it.

But honestly Irwin, I never did expect you to understand the difference.  rolleyes Don't get upset over stuff that you don't understand.
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BjornBee
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« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2011, 11:31:29 AM »

Behind every good man there is a women....and that is exactly where she should stay! 

I'm offended !!

NOT!!!



And I bet you have a heart of gold, and not a bone to pick in the world.  grin

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iddee
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« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2011, 11:58:00 AM »

Repeat from prior post.....

""Jokes have always been used to expose the wrongs of the world. Of course, if you think blowing up babies and beheading anyone you disagree with is OK, then I guess you won't like my jokes.""

If you don't think killing innocent people and yourself at the same time, or males trying to mate with males and females trying to mate with females, is  wrong, then maybe we should make jokes about you. Why?, Because there is definitely something wrong with you.

Maybe with a few jokes, we could correct it.
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"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

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BjornBee
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« Reply #10 on: February 02, 2011, 12:06:02 PM »

Repeat from prior post.....

""Jokes have always been used to expose the wrongs of the world. Of course, if you think blowing up babies and beheading anyone you disagree with is OK, then I guess you won't like my jokes.""

If you don't think killing innocent people and yourself at the same time, or males trying to mate with males and females trying to mate with females, is  wrong, then maybe we should make jokes about you. Why?, Because there is definitely something wrong with you.

Maybe with a few jokes, we could correct it.


Thank you iddee.

While others keep chiming in suggesting it's just "humor", you again and again, make my case that humor has nothing to do with it.

So I don't see what people are upset about. It is exactly what I keep saying it is. It's not about the humor. It's about denigrating and attacking people you oppose morally and socially. Somehow rationalizing that it's ok with humor to express your point of view with little respect for others.

Thank you iddee for making it so clear as only you can do.  Wink
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iddee
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« Reply #11 on: February 02, 2011, 12:12:44 PM »

Thank you for making it so clear that you support terrorists and get upset when they are denigrated. We will keep that in mind as we read your posts.

PS. Does Bin Laden send you a monthly check for your internet support of his program?
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"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

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Jerrymac
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« Reply #12 on: February 02, 2011, 12:22:43 PM »

Now Bjorn. I remember you indicating you didn't appreciate the reference of the wife being an appliance and screwed.


My wife is always be hind me.....


...... pushing.
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BjornBee
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« Reply #13 on: February 02, 2011, 12:31:42 PM »

Thank you for making it so clear that you support terrorists and get upset when they are denigrated. We will keep that in mind as we read your posts.

PS. Does Bin Laden send you a monthly check for your internet support of his program?

Terrorists.....what terrorists are you talking about? The married terrorists?  lau

Your delusional comments and rationale are funny. About as funny as your claim you come here to tell your jokes and expect to "correct it". Or your view that one guy is trying to mate with another. Are you suggesting they can not be firends. Or are you actually suggesting that they are trying to propagate and produce offspring.  rolleyes

That's like me claiming you are trying to mate with your hand as you yank the willie. Of course, I now will wait for your response that you have never tried to "mate" with your hand.  lau

This is certainly humor.

Oh wait....is this about the time you call me a "politician" in some last ditch effort like you always do. Like that is as good as you can do.

Iddee....Please do not try to think you know me. I think you would be surprised to really know what I actually think. But I also know that coming here and degrading others on morals, is something I'm not likely to do. And just as I might be religious, I have a problem with bible-thumpers, those that shout from the street corners, and those that spread hate like the group who attends military services. I'm not a "Your with us or against us" type guy. You may be, but I'm not.
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BjornBee
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« Reply #14 on: February 02, 2011, 12:45:03 PM »

Now Bjorn. I remember you indicating you didn't appreciate the reference of the wife being an appliance and screwed.


My wife is always be hind me.....


...... pushing.

Jerry,
My comment on that joke was based on a particular reason that I can not mention here without getting my hands smacked. So lets leave that one alone. It is based on my belief that a person is measured what they say, while not in church, but what is said outside church. Not what you say in front of your mother, but what you say when she leaves the room. And not by what you say in front of your kids, but what you say when they are not listening. It's the same concept of claiming to have friends of certain groups, and then when they are not around, bashing them as a group, on some moral stance. And I don't believe for one moment that some have friends they claim to have, and yet suggest they say, act, and state, the same stuff in front of them as posted here. I question what their definition of "friend" really is.

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iddee
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« Reply #15 on: February 02, 2011, 02:12:42 PM »

>>>>I think you would be surprised to really know what I actually think.<<<<

No, actually, when it comes to social subjects, I would be surprised IF you think.

I, tho, think we should both back off this topic while we are still friends and haven't said something we will regret later.
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"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*
BjornBee
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« Reply #16 on: February 02, 2011, 02:42:20 PM »

>>>>I think you would be surprised to really know what I actually think.<<<<

No, actually, when it comes to social subjects, I would be surprised IF you think.

I, tho, think we should both back off this topic while we are still friends and haven't said something we will regret later.

Ahhh....yes. But that would mean figuring out who is to throw the last mud ball.

Please iddee. The pleasure is all yours. Age before beauty!  grin

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iddee
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« Reply #17 on: February 02, 2011, 03:38:08 PM »

OK, here goes.

I LOVE YOU. BJ.
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"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*
Jerrymac
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« Reply #18 on: February 02, 2011, 03:51:52 PM »

Love Will Keep Us Together by Captain & Tennille
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annette
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« Reply #19 on: February 04, 2011, 05:19:22 PM »



"And I bet you have a heart of gold, and not a bone to pick in the world."  grin


Yep!! Kiss
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