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Author Topic: Your best one liners???  (Read 7098 times)
annette
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« Reply #20 on: January 24, 2011, 01:24:33 AM »

Beekeepers love to eat their honey.

evil evil
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AllenF
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« Reply #21 on: January 24, 2011, 08:19:17 AM »

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
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beemaster
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« Reply #22 on: January 24, 2011, 10:20:59 AM »

WORSE THING I EVER HEARD SAID ABOUT HONEYBEES... A mother tells her toddler that "Honey comes from SQUEESING the QUEENS til there's no juice left" That was in a book by Isaac Isomov.

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AllenF
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« Reply #23 on: January 27, 2011, 09:54:00 PM »

Never, under any circumstances, combine a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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vmmartin
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« Reply #24 on: January 29, 2011, 08:57:22 AM »

"Did you fart?"..............................."Dang right I did. You think I smell like that all the time?"
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AllenF
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« Reply #25 on: January 29, 2011, 03:28:16 PM »

"Did you fart?"..............................."Nope, truck just smells like that all the time"
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iddee
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« Reply #26 on: August 28, 2012, 09:04:26 PM »

My Uncle in Chicago was a staunch conservative and voted straight line Republican until the day he died.
Now, he votes Democrat.
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"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*
danno
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« Reply #27 on: August 29, 2012, 07:49:36 AM »

Buy a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he'' buy enough rods and tackle for ten lifetimes
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danno
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« Reply #28 on: August 29, 2012, 07:56:14 AM »

my favorite J foxworthy
If you've ever been to drunk to fish.  You could be a redneck
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triple7sss
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« Reply #29 on: August 29, 2012, 04:56:33 PM »

Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his fly.  Bartender asks "What's with the steering wheel?"

Pirate sez....

"Arrrrrrgh...it's drivin' me nuts."
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Nico
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« Reply #30 on: August 29, 2012, 10:43:21 PM »

What do you call a Bear without an ear?      a   "B"
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hardwood
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« Reply #31 on: August 29, 2012, 10:44:57 PM »

Where can you find a dog with no legs?....Right where you left him!

Scott
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"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907
beetalkin
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« Reply #32 on: August 29, 2012, 11:20:49 PM »

where does a one-legged waitress work ? IHOP
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beetalkin
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« Reply #33 on: August 29, 2012, 11:22:12 PM »

what's her name ? Ilene
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hardwood
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« Reply #34 on: August 30, 2012, 08:26:03 AM »

If she's Asian it's Irene.
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"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907
Oblio13
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« Reply #35 on: August 30, 2012, 11:29:28 PM »

"How are you? Wait, I just remembered - I don't care."
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iddee
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« Reply #36 on: September 02, 2012, 10:42:46 AM »

The best laugh is always at yourself.
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"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*
divemaster1963
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God Protect and watch over our sons and daughters.


« Reply #37 on: September 03, 2012, 12:33:55 AM »

A police officer asked a man that's wrecked his car into a light pole. I see we have a problem! the Man responds saying. ( No I park like this all the time. ) here's your sign. grin
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divemaster1963
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God Protect and watch over our sons and daughters.


« Reply #38 on: September 03, 2012, 12:38:00 AM »

Beekeepers love to eat their honey.


NO NO NO. Beekeepers like to LICK their Honey.
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AllenF
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« Reply #39 on: September 03, 2012, 08:27:06 PM »

If Barak and 100 other people are on a sinking ship, who gets saved?   


The country.
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