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Author Topic: Your best one liners???  (Read 8895 times)

Offline annette

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #20 on: January 24, 2011, 02:24:33 AM »
Beekeepers love to eat their honey.

:evil: :evil:

Offline AllenF

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #21 on: January 24, 2011, 09:19:17 AM »
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

Offline beemaster

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #22 on: January 24, 2011, 11:20:59 AM »
WORSE THING I EVER HEARD SAID ABOUT HONEYBEES... A mother tells her toddler that "Honey comes from SQUEESING the QUEENS til there's no juice left" That was in a book by Isaac Isomov.

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Offline AllenF

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #23 on: January 27, 2011, 10:54:00 PM »
Never, under any circumstances, combine a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Offline vmmartin

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #24 on: January 29, 2011, 09:57:22 AM »
"Did you fart?"..............................."Dang right I did. You think I smell like that all the time?"

Offline AllenF

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #25 on: January 29, 2011, 04:28:16 PM »
"Did you fart?"..............................."Nope, truck just smells like that all the time"

Online iddee

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #26 on: August 28, 2012, 10:04:26 PM »
My Uncle in Chicago was a staunch conservative and voted straight line Republican until the day he died.
Now, he votes Democrat.
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Offline danno

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #27 on: August 29, 2012, 08:49:36 AM »
Buy a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he'' buy enough rods and tackle for ten lifetimes

Offline danno

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #28 on: August 29, 2012, 08:56:14 AM »
my favorite J foxworthy
If you've ever been to drunk to fish.  You could be a redneck

Offline triple7sss

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #29 on: August 29, 2012, 05:56:33 PM »
Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his fly.  Bartender asks "What's with the steering wheel?"

Pirate sez....

"Arrrrrrgh...it's drivin' me nuts."

Offline Nico

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #30 on: August 29, 2012, 11:43:21 PM »
What do you call a Bear without an ear?      a   "B"

Offline hardwood

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #31 on: August 29, 2012, 11:44:57 PM »
Where can you find a dog with no legs?....Right where you left him!

Scott
"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907

Offline beetalkin

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #32 on: August 30, 2012, 12:20:49 AM »
where does a one-legged waitress work ? IHOP

Offline beetalkin

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #33 on: August 30, 2012, 12:22:12 AM »
what's her name ? Ilene

Offline hardwood

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #34 on: August 30, 2012, 09:26:03 AM »
If she's Asian it's Irene.
"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907

Offline Oblio13

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #35 on: August 31, 2012, 12:29:28 AM »
"How are you? Wait, I just remembered - I don't care."

Online iddee

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #36 on: September 02, 2012, 11:42:46 AM »
The best laugh is always at yourself.
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Offline divemaster1963

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #37 on: September 03, 2012, 01:33:55 AM »
A police officer asked a man that's wrecked his car into a light pole. I see we have a problem! the Man responds saying. ( No I park like this all the time. ) here's your sign. :-D

Offline divemaster1963

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #38 on: September 03, 2012, 01:38:00 AM »
Beekeepers love to eat their honey.


NO NO NO. Beekeepers like to LICK their Honey.

Offline AllenF

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Re: Your best one liners???
« Reply #39 on: September 03, 2012, 09:27:06 PM »
If Barak and 100 other people are on a sinking ship, who gets saved?   


The country.