Need Bees Removed?
International
Beekeeping Forums
September 20, 2014, 06:37:37 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
News: ATTENTION ALL NEW MEMBERS
PLEASE READ THIS OR YOUR ACCOUNT MAY BE DELETED - CLICK HERE
 
   Home   Help Search Calendar bee removal Login Register Chat  

Pages: [1] 2 3  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Your best one liners???  (Read 7166 times)
beemaster
Site Founder
Administrator
Galactic Bee
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 6241


Location: Manchester, NJ

It is my pleasure to bring the forums to you.


WWW
« on: January 19, 2011, 11:25:08 PM »

I'm starting two posts this and one called PUNCHLINES where all you give is the punchline and see if others remember or heard the joke. Good thing about punchlines, the joke can be risque' but the punchline perfectly clean.

But here is my entry in ONE LINE JOKES:

A club sandwich walks into a bar.  The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

What's yours Smiley

Logged

NJBeemaster my YOUTUBE Video Collection
Follow us on TWITTER
SKYPE NJBeemaster - include your FORUM NAME in contact request
My Personal FACEBOOK Page


"All donations to our forums are greatly appreciated"
Please click HERE to help support our forum.
AllenF
Galactic Bee
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 8133

Location: Hiram, Georgia


« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2011, 08:25:40 AM »

 It is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Logged
iddee
Galactic Bee
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 6054

Location: Randleman, NC


« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2011, 09:13:36 AM »

Two's a couple.
Three's a party.  "or orgy"
Logged

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*
beemaster
Site Founder
Administrator
Galactic Bee
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 6241


Location: Manchester, NJ

It is my pleasure to bring the forums to you.


WWW
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2011, 10:19:13 AM »

The only way to keep a secret, is to "tell ONE person" then kill him!
Logged

NJBeemaster my YOUTUBE Video Collection
Follow us on TWITTER
SKYPE NJBeemaster - include your FORUM NAME in contact request
My Personal FACEBOOK Page


"All donations to our forums are greatly appreciated"
Please click HERE to help support our forum.
AllenF
Galactic Bee
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 8133

Location: Hiram, Georgia


« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2011, 10:21:03 AM »

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Logged
Dave360
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 135

Location: Nacogdoches , Texas


« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2011, 07:27:30 PM »

two blonds walk into a building  - you think one of them would have seen it
Logged
Humanbeeing
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 141


Location: Southern Idaho


« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2011, 12:36:13 AM »

Here's a one liner I pull on my wife sometimes...in a crowd:

Marry you? Heck lady, I don't even know you!

She loves it.  evil
Logged

HELP! I accidently used Drone eggs with the Hopkins method and I got Drag Queens!!!
AllenF
Galactic Bee
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 8133

Location: Hiram, Georgia


« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2011, 09:28:48 AM »

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
Logged
BjornBee
Galactic Bee
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 3773


Location: Lewisberry, PA


« Reply #8 on: January 22, 2011, 10:22:37 AM »

Do you smell anything?  grin
Logged

www.bjornapiaries.com
www.pennapic.org
Please Support "National Honey Bee Day"
Northern States Queen Breeders Assoc.  www.nsqba.com
kathyp
Universal Bee
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 15151


Location: boring, oregon


« Reply #9 on: January 22, 2011, 11:50:18 AM »

S... H......!
Logged

.....The greatest changes occur in their country without their cooperation. They are not even aware of precisely what has taken place. They suspect it; they have heard of the event by chance. More than that, they are unconcerned with the fortunes of their village, the safety of their streets, the fate of their church and its vestry. They think that such things have nothing to do with them, that they belong to a powerful stranger called “the government.” They enjoy these goods as tenants, without a sense of ownership, and never give a thought to how they might be improved.....

 Alexis de Tocqueville
irerob
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 164

Location: High Springs FL


« Reply #10 on: January 22, 2011, 08:36:06 PM »

 a guy walks into a bar and says ow.
 2 guys walk into a bar you"lld think one of them would of seen it.
 A nun, preist ,2 rabbii's, and 7 penguins  walk into a bar the bartender looks up and says " what is this a joke?"
Logged

You don't need a parachute to sky dive.... you do how ever need one to sky dive twice.
 KJ4QMH.
beee farmer
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 387


Location: Jackson, Mississippi


« Reply #11 on: January 22, 2011, 09:32:26 PM »

What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?
A Northern fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time..."
A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t..." 

Logged

"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do"  Benjamin Franklin
beee farmer
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 387


Location: Jackson, Mississippi


« Reply #12 on: January 22, 2011, 10:03:00 PM »

What kind of bees make milk?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boobies!
Logged

"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do"  Benjamin Franklin
AllenF
Galactic Bee
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 8133

Location: Hiram, Georgia


« Reply #13 on: January 22, 2011, 11:17:52 PM »

It's so cold out today that the nudist colony down the road had a sign out front that said "open, but clothed".
Logged
Highlandsfreedom
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 451


Location: Mesquite, TX


WWW
« Reply #14 on: January 22, 2011, 11:34:14 PM »

Hay Y'all watch this!!!!..................
Wrote a song about it like to hear it here ya go.............................
Ever danced with the Devil in the pale moon light?
Can Geico save you a ton of money?......................
Logged

To bee or not to bee that is the question I wake up to answer that every morning...
AllenF
Galactic Bee
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 8133

Location: Hiram, Georgia


« Reply #15 on: January 23, 2011, 01:40:52 PM »

Women are like hurricanes, because when they come they are wet and wild but when they leave they take your house and car with them!
Logged
hardwood
Galactic Bee
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 3482


Location: Osteen, Fl (just south of Daytona)

Alysian Apiaries youtube.com/MrBeedude


« Reply #16 on: January 23, 2011, 02:58:13 PM »

How are a tornado and an Osteen divorce alike?...no matter what, somebody's loosin' a trailer!

They invented the tooth brush here...anywhere else it would've been called the "teeth" brush.

Scott
Logged

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907
Irwin
Super Bee
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 2343


Location: Lakeside OR

howdy all


« Reply #17 on: January 23, 2011, 03:50:07 PM »

Cat the other white meat.
Logged

Fight organized crime!  Re-elect no one.
hardwood
Galactic Bee
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 3482


Location: Osteen, Fl (just south of Daytona)

Alysian Apiaries youtube.com/MrBeedude


« Reply #18 on: January 23, 2011, 06:13:20 PM »

Salmon, the other pink meat grin


Scott
Logged

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907
Michael Bush
Universal Bee
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13658


Location: Nehawka, NE


WWW
« Reply #19 on: January 23, 2011, 11:45:39 PM »

Beekeepers love to eat their honey.
Logged

Michael Bush
My website:  bushfarms.com/bees.htm
My book:  ThePracticalBeekeeper.com
-------------------
"Everything works if you let it."--Rick Nielsen
Pages: [1] 2 3  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Beemaster's Beekeeping Ring
Previous | Home | Join | Random | Next
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.19 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines | Sitemap Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.425 seconds with 22 queries.

Google visited last this page September 18, 2014, 12:33:17 AM
anything