Tennessee Declares War on the USA
President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, President Obama‚?Ě a heavily accented southern voice said. "This
is Archie, down here at Bulls Gap, Tennessee. I am callin' to tell ya‚?Tll
that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big
is your army?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my
cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from
the local VA Lodge. That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry‚?Ts John Deere
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one
and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again about twenty minutes later. " President
Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We
up an' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the
cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Well, nuts," said Archie, "l'll have to call you back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day.. " President Obama ! I am
sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack .. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat
over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed
two million prisoners.."
TENNESSEE CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN!!
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"