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Author Topic: Using a Port-a-Potty  (Read 1216 times)

Offline thebalvenie

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Using a Port-a-Potty
« on: May 27, 2010, 02:15:49 PM »
from craigslist.org 

good stuff

With all the recent postings regarding ettiquette in various sectors of "service", I've decided to post one of my own. I am employed as a Port-a-Potty technician, and I'd appreciate it if you'd take a moment to follow these simple rules the next time you're in one of my outdoor comodes:

(1.) Curb the urge to inscribe your ex-lover's name, telephone number and favorite sexual performance on the inside walls. Even though I met my current wife by calling one of these phone numbers, they're usually just made up or out of service.
(2.) Try to deposit all of your feces inside the sitting platform hole. Some people seem to have trouble with this one, and it is very difficult for me to scrape dried fecal matter from the very porous plastic platform.
(3.) Refrain from writing your initials/gang affiliation on the walls inside the septic unit using your feces.
(4.) I realize it makes a good prank, but please stop tipping the septic unit while your friend is inside with his/her bowels in full action. Someone could be seriously injured while the unit is rolled over with a person inside and/or the fecal matter and urine inside the tank overflows. It creates more of a mess than the prank is worth.
(5.) This one's for the women patrons...kindly deposit your soiled tampons, maxi-pads, panty-liners, or whatever menstrual cycle fluid absorbant you choose inside the built-in disposal compartment. Some of our lady patrons seem to think the built-in urinal is a good place to dispose of them, but I must say you're misinformed. That feature is designed for male patrons to urinate, and your tampon merely clogs the drain hole.
(6.) Do not attempt to retrieve your cell phone, wallet, nose piercing, male organ ring, keys, wedding ring or whatever else you consider valuable and have dropped inside the fecal matter collection bin. As a dedicated Septic Tank Technician, I am entitled to my Tips as well, and as the old saying goes: "finders keepers, losers weepers".
(7.) After performing sexual acts in one of my Port-a-Potty units, kindly discard your soiled condoms and wrappers in the appropriate trash container. Don't simply leave them on the floor for me to pick up later. Your dried semen is more difficult than chewing gum to scrape off the floor.
(8.) Do not smoke in the septic unit. Your feces emit a highly explosive gas, and can ignite when exposed to flame. Serious bodily injury or even death could result!! Besides, I have a security deposit on each of the septic units I'm responsible for.
(9.) Kindly be environmentally aware that using too much toilet paper doesn't necessarily mean better wiping action. Years of research has indicated that, properly used, 2 feet of toilet paper is equally effective as 6 feet in fecal matter absorbing action.
(10.) No matter how creative you may be, please refrain from sticking a fully-loaded wad of toilet paper on the inside walls of the septic unit. Yes, it may present a pleasant art display (when properly dried) for other patrons to enjoy, but it becomes very difficult to remove.
(11.) Be considerate of your fellow citizens waiting to use the septic unit after you. Napping and/or sleeping in one of our septic units is prohibited. If you're that tired, go to the rest room at your local bus depot.

Well, thank you for taking the time to read my post. Think of me the next time you're out and about and feel the sudden urge to relieve your bowels/bladder. Have a nice day!!
"Tu ne cede malis sed contra audentior ito"

Offline AllenF

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Re: Using a Port-a-Potty
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2010, 04:33:40 PM »
Geez, you're taking all the fun out of my day.

Offline Bee Happy

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Re: Using a Port-a-Potty
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2010, 07:06:16 PM »
We had trouble with the "sleeping" bit in the porta potties on the ship decks. Steel on a windless, sunny, Florida day can reach temperatures that would fall only a few degrees short of literally frying an egg, add to that a PVC enclosure in the full sunlight and something horrid from the roach coach - you almost need a safety buddy to relieve yourself in those humid temperatures, as I have often had difficulty deciding whether to pound on the door or call the first aid team when some poor sod who actually payed for and ingested the plainly suspicious offering from the botulism wagon  wound up taking huge amounts of time to conclude his business.
be happy and make others happy.

Offline AllenF

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Re: Using a Port-a-Potty
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2010, 07:26:06 PM »
And what's really bad on those really hot days is when someone locks you in there as a joke.  Then after the locking holes are broken off, they back a truck up to the door so you can't get out.  Or when someone slaps the back of the johnny with a 2 x4 when someone is in there.   

Offline hardwood

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Re: Using a Port-a-Potty
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2010, 07:32:59 PM »
Aw, c'mon. Some of the finest poetry I've ever read was written on the wall of a sh_tter! Peggy went to relieve herself on a job site one day  and when she came back she said "I knocked on the door and some guy yelled 'AVACADO' at me so I came back". Turns out he was a Mexican laborer saying "OCCUPADO". Never laughed so hard in my life!

Scott
"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907

Offline Bee Happy

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Re: Using a Port-a-Potty
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2010, 08:27:55 PM »
And what's really bad on those really hot days is when someone locks you in there as a joke.  Then after the locking holes are broken off, they back a truck up to the door so you can't get out.  Or when someone slaps the back of the johnny with a 2 x4 when someone is in there.   

I'm not above creating an exit with a razor knife.
be happy and make others happy.

 

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