Need Bees Removed?
International
Beekeeping Forums
December 25, 2014, 10:54:27 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
News: Beemaster's official FACEBOOK page
 
   Home   Help Search Calendar bee removal Login Register Chat(1)  

Pages: [1] 2 3   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: How do I convince the wife??????  (Read 4828 times)
Buzzen
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 98

Location: Rigby, Idaho


« on: May 11, 2010, 10:42:21 AM »

She is dead set against bees.  I want some badly, even got my TBH built and almost ready. She says her 15 year old son needs epinephrine if he gets stung, but he comes only once a month. (lives with his father)  We have an acre lot so I have room to put them a distance away. She is afraid of bees in general, so i have had a hard time comvincing her they are not normally aggressive. Tried to get her to watch some you tube video of hiving packages and inspections where they aren't even wearing a veil, but she is not interested.  My only solution so far is to find an alternate site somewhere but that kind of defeats the purpose cause I wanted to be able to go out back and sit and watch them, didn't want to have to drive 30 minutes to check on them.  Anyone else have this dilemma? What did you do?
Logged
VolunteerK9
Super Bee
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1647

Location: Southeast Tennessee

Gamecock fan in UT land.


« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2010, 11:41:53 AM »

Well, you could try what I normally do. I simply don't ask. But on that note, I am on my second marriage lol
Logged
lenape13
Field Bee
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 612


Location: Belle Vernon, PA

We survive together, or not at all!


« Reply #2 on: May 11, 2010, 12:17:29 PM »

Finding a new wife is always an option, but it might be better to find an alternate site for the bees.  Of course, with an acre and a half and seven hives, none of our visitors notice the bees, or the chickens, or the goats.  I'm sure you would be fine on your place.
Logged
iddee
Galactic Bee
******
Online Online

Gender: Male
Posts: 6309

Location: Randleman, NC


« Reply #3 on: May 11, 2010, 12:18:23 PM »

1... Take her for a walk on your acre and show her the bees that are already there.

2... Take her for a walk in a field near a known hive. Show her there are no more bees there than at home.

3... Then tell her if she won't study the situation to come to a reasonable conclusion, then you are getting them anyway, as she's being unreasonable.

My wife and I try to understand each others' side. If one won't agree to look at both sides, the other does what I/she wants. Not being reasonable looses the debate at my house, from either side.

PS. First marriage for both of us, 42 years and counting.
Logged

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*
Hethen57
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 420


Location: Coeur d'Alene, Idaho


« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2010, 12:52:18 PM »

My wife is terrified of insects and bugs, but she is so fascinated by my bees.  Whenever I do an inspection, she wants to be right there to see everything, the queen, the bees hatching before your eyes, it is all so cool.  Also, I would suggest getting Carniolans, they are very mello bees, my wife and son watch me work them and looks at the frames without even wearing a veil.  We have 7 hives right in our backyard, and they are not a bother or stinging anyone who isn't digging in their hive  rolleyes
Logged

-Mike
The Bix
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 427


Location: Arapahoe County, Colorado


« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2010, 01:06:48 PM »

1... Take her for a walk on your acre and show her the bees that are already there.

2... Take her for a walk in a field near a known hive. Show her there are no more bees there than at home.

3... Then tell her if she won't study the situation to come to a reasonable conclusion, then you are getting them anyway, as she's being unreasonable.

My wife and I try to understand each others' side. If one won't agree to look at both sides, the other does what I/she wants. Not being reasonable looses the debate at my house, from either side.

PS. First marriage for both of us, 42 years and counting.

A man full of wisdom, good stuff iddee!  Grateful that my wife supports the effort.
Logged
Scadsobees
Galactic Bee
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 3198


Location: Jenison, MI

Best use of smileys in a post award.


« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2010, 01:09:32 PM »

My wife thought I was nutty before we got married, and I haven't done anything yet to convince her otherwise  grin.  She wasn't surprised in the least when I mentioned bees....

It sounds like she, like a lot of people, may have a phobia.  I honestly don't think that reason or logic will do anything to change that.  If she isn't even willing to talk about it, then you've already lost.

You might just have to find that piece of land somewhere nearby to put the bees on. (or put your wife on!  grin)
Logged

Rick
MrJeff
New Bee
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 37

Location: Durand, Mi


« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2010, 01:10:06 PM »

You have to be diplomatic. This year after a hiatus I started beekeeping again. My wife has no experience with it, but she warmed up when she realized there would be benefits to her. I hadn't even picked up packages yet before books started arriving in the mail on crafting with wax, making candles, and uses for honey.
Logged
thebalvenie
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 187


Location: Missoula, MT

Vote Ron Paul!!!!!!!!!!!!!


« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2010, 01:17:05 PM »

listen to iddee

you both have to come to a compromise.  it sounds like she might not be willing to do that given what she knows about bees.  so continue educating her and others about bees and in due time she should BEE on board Wink  also, assure her that you'll epi shots on site and you all can discuss in depth to her son about bees and how to administer epi shots for him.  but in theory, he shouldn't have to worry as long as he's not messing with the hive. 

good luck!!!

Logged

"Tu ne cede malis sed contra audentior ito"
greenbtree
Field Bee
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 594


Location: Stone City, Iowa


« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2010, 01:49:58 PM »

You may have to educate her slowly so she doesn't get her back up.  But if it helps to tell her about others you can mention that as far as I know I am allergic to bee stings.  I have never been officially tested but last time I was stung as a child my foot swelled to the size of a football.  I am now 52 and have never been stung since - learned not to go barefoot in clover.  Also learned that if you leave the bees alone they will leave you alone.
Despite my reaction to bee stings my son and I have taken up beekeeping.  They are just so cool!  If I have to mess with the bees I wear full kit (My son, who does not seem to inherited the allergy doesn't bother with any of it)  but if I want to just observe the hive I just move low and slow and am never bothered.  I do have an appointment to get a prescription for an epi-pen to be on the safe side, but really, I'm not worried about it.
Man has bred these bees to be mild.  It is like staring at a Malmute Husky and a wolf - yeah, they look pretty much the same, but one you would be comfortable petting and one you wouldn't!  Unless your wife is afraid of dogs too... grin

JC
Logged

"Rise again, rise again - though your heart it be broken, or life about to end.  No matter what you've lost, be it a home, a love, a friend, like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again!"
luvin honey
Super Bee
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1540

Location: Central WI


« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2010, 03:27:19 PM »

listen to iddee

you both have to come to a compromise.  it sounds like she might not be willing to do that given what she knows about bees.  so continue educating her and others about bees and in due time she should BEE on board Wink  also, assure her that you'll epi shots on site and you all can discuss in depth to her son about bees and how to administer epi shots for him.  but in theory, he shouldn't have to worry as long as he's not messing with the hive. 

good luck!!!


I agree. Lots of gentle education. If you come off as not sounding concerned about her son, obviously that would not be cool. My husband has had some significant reactions, but we just loaded up on Epis. I think I would even consider strapping one onto our posts holding the hives.

What does her son think? He's old enough to have an opinion. If he is comfortable with it, maybe that would be the answer? Our hives are in the back 40 but within sight of the house, and we have never had problem bees by the house unless they followed me after I robbed them.

Could you promise requeening or re-siting if any problems arise?
Logged

The pedigree of honey
Does not concern the bee;
A clover, any time, to him
Is aristocracy.
---Emily Dickinson
Buzzen
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 98

Location: Rigby, Idaho


« Reply #11 on: May 11, 2010, 06:46:00 PM »

Thanks for all the replies, gives me some ideas to work on !! I'll keep trying. 
Logged
bigbearomaha
Guest
« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2010, 07:36:56 PM »

I told my wife when we were married that I do not need another mama and if I want a daughter, we will have one.

Meaning,   I am not her 'boss' she is a grown person who can make up her own mind as to the person she wants to be and (for the most part) what she wants to do and the same applies for me.  I do not need, require or ask permission to do the things I intend to do.

If it is an issue that requires consensus becasue it involves spending an amount of time, money, other resources that are shared/valued by the both of us, then we will discuss it rationally.

My wife is not my mama and  I don't treat her as such.

Big Bear
Logged
Grandma_DOG
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 329


Location: Austin, TX

Build it, and they will comb.


WWW
« Reply #13 on: May 11, 2010, 08:51:35 PM »

I was in the same situation. The politically expedient solution was to find an outyard more than a mile away.
Logged

iddee
Galactic Bee
******
Online Online

Gender: Male
Posts: 6309

Location: Randleman, NC


« Reply #14 on: May 11, 2010, 09:07:44 PM »

Big Bear, you remind me of the story of the 6'4, 230lb. trucker who married the 5'2 105 lb. lady. On the wedding night he handed her his pants and told her to put them on. She held them up about her neck and said "I can't wear those". He replied with "That's right, now you remember that".

Later that night, she handed him a tiny pair of panties and told him to put them on. Holding them in one hand, he said "I can't get in those things. She replied

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

That's right, as long as you have that da** attitude.
Logged

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*
Bee Happy
Super Bee
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1656


Location: Between Panama city, Florida and Dothan Al.

that's me - setting a phoenix free


« Reply #15 on: May 11, 2010, 10:05:10 PM »

My wife is phobic over snakes, really, a picture of a snake makes her nervous. textbook phobia. I don't want snakes though, they barely register on my "stuff to care about" list. I wouldn't suggest that you come right out and TELL your wife that you suspect she's apiphobic (izzat the right word?) but it sounds like a good touch of irrational fear. There are 2 approaches that I know of.  - the gentle way: bee books with lots of illustrations - leave them in the bathroom - say NOTHING. let her approach you about how interesting they are, act like she's bothering you.
2 Immersion: drag her out to a bee yard and lock her out of the car in the middle of a zillion bees. Have a divorce lawyer on speed dial.
Her fears are real to her, even if they seem kind of trivial and silly, I think respecting her fears is a good step into having an honest talk about why she's afraid of them in the first place, and maybe letting her decide for herself if she's being silly.
3 Grandma_dog had a really good idea - find a buddy who will let you keep bees on his lot, remember to share some honey.
Logged

be happy and make others happy.
bigbearomaha
Guest
« Reply #16 on: May 12, 2010, 07:18:44 AM »

Nah, if you read my post carefully enough,  we don't treat each other as children needing to seek each others approval for everything.  I treat her like an adult, she treats me the same.

When I told my wife of my decision to work with bees, I had already taken considerations into account for children, space, allergies, etc... her only question was, "when do we start?". 

Even though bugs creep her out, she has been very interested in active in bottling and wax working and helping me prepare for presentations, etc...

Big Bear
Logged
Rodni73
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 169


Location: Bloomfield, Essex County, New Jersey


« Reply #17 on: May 12, 2010, 08:54:27 AM »

Just go ahead and bring the bees and put them on your acre property!

It sounds that diplomacy failed and when that happens try to achieve your objective by other means:

Simply say: They are here...! now let's negotiate the entrance reducer.


Whenever my wife stubbornly and senselessly object I just go ahead and do it anyway! After a few times
she got the message and learned to negotiate and compromise in an effort to avert the catastrophe. It works for me!
 
Logged
thebalvenie
House Bee
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 187


Location: Missoula, MT

Vote Ron Paul!!!!!!!!!!!!!


« Reply #18 on: May 12, 2010, 10:21:50 AM »

Just go ahead and bring the bees and put them on your acre property!

It sounds that diplomacy failed and when that happens try to achieve your objective by other means:

Simply say: They are here...! now let's negotiate the entrance reducer.


Whenever my wife stubbornly and senselessly object I just go ahead and do it anyway! After a few times
she got the message and learned to negotiate and compromise in an effort to avert the catastrophe. It works for me!
 

how charming!  lol
Logged

"Tu ne cede malis sed contra audentior ito"
VolunteerK9
Super Bee
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1647

Location: Southeast Tennessee

Gamecock fan in UT land.


« Reply #19 on: May 12, 2010, 10:27:00 AM »

I have to agree with BigBear and Rodni with this. I am 37 years old and do not require permission to do anything nor do I expect my wife to ask for mine for any of her endeavors. If I feel the need to go buy more chickens, goats, cows, bees etc, I do just as long as my families needs are met.



Simply say: They are here...! now let's negotiate the entrance reducer.


 

My thoughts exactly
Logged
Pages: [1] 2 3   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Beemaster's Beekeeping Ring
Previous | Home | Join | Random | Next
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.20 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines | Sitemap Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.27 seconds with 22 queries.

Google visited last this page December 10, 2014, 08:11:22 PM
anything