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Author Topic: How do I convince the wife??????  (Read 4489 times)
luvin honey
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« Reply #20 on: May 12, 2010, 04:57:15 PM »

Well, when something involves possible death to a child, I guess mothers can get a little bit anxious about it... I don't see this as a power balance between a husband and wife but as a mother concerned about the health and life of her child...

Even though the bees could be far away, I can see how she would be anxious. I guess a child molester living at least 1 mile away would not really comfort me, either. Even if someone told me that my kids would be fine as long as they just stayed away from that person's house. I don't think that would cut it for me.
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The pedigree of honey
Does not concern the bee;
A clover, any time, to him
Is aristocracy.
---Emily Dickinson
AllenF
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« Reply #21 on: May 12, 2010, 07:42:35 PM »

Dude, don't push your luck with your wife.   Give and give and give in some more, we are suppose to show love.  It is better to sleep on the corner of your roof than to share a house with an irate woman.
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Rodni73
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« Reply #22 on: May 12, 2010, 09:45:57 PM »

Just do it MAN! Get the bees...! you have a one acre lot.. man you have more chances of Bin Laden and Elvis showing up at your house for dinner than a bee stinging your step son!


-GET THE BEES AND QUIT FRETTING!

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luvin honey
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« Reply #23 on: May 12, 2010, 09:50:16 PM »

As a human, I would be seriously unimpressed with someone who went ahead and put me into what I felt was danger just cuz he really, really, really wanted to. I would probably be swayed if that person took the time to teach me about bees, let me do some research on my own, talk to a doctor or 2 about anaphylaxis and Epi-Pens, etc.

I don't think whether the bees are dangerous or not are the issue. Obviously we on this forum are very biased and feel bees are about the coolest things on earth. If someone is very afraid, and her son is deathly (?) allergic, bees are very, very scary to her. And that should count.
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The pedigree of honey
Does not concern the bee;
A clover, any time, to him
Is aristocracy.
---Emily Dickinson
Buzzen
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« Reply #24 on: May 12, 2010, 10:17:53 PM »

Yea, I have never witnessed his reaction to a sting, just going by what the wife tells me.Don't know if Its exagerated or not.  Everybody swells up some. I will keep trying the diplomtic approach, I have hope to eventually get the bees. (Almost got the top bar done.....can't waste a good hive!)  One thing is kind of funny,.... all my life I've been around bees to some extent or another and never been stung by a honey bee!
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iddee
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« Reply #25 on: May 12, 2010, 10:21:51 PM »

Thank you, Luvin Honey......

The part about teaching and investigating is absolutely needed. A phobia is like alcoholism, it needs to be treated. If the person is willing, help them.

But, if they won't listen to anything or anybody, they don't deserve to have others change their whole life just to cater to their phobia.

Buzzen, be careful. You may be the one to become allergic. Have safety measures in place before proceeding.
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"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*
luvin honey
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« Reply #26 on: May 12, 2010, 10:22:33 PM »

Good luck, buzzen! I feel like an evil beekeeper since my family keeps having large swelling reactions when stung in the face. I feel judged by teachers, in-laws and others who see them, since we all look like aliens after a facial sting! So, definitely a lot of people confuse swelling with an allergic reaction. I hope it works out for you and that everyone will be happy with whatever you decide...
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The pedigree of honey
Does not concern the bee;
A clover, any time, to him
Is aristocracy.
---Emily Dickinson
Bee Happy
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« Reply #27 on: May 12, 2010, 10:28:18 PM »

Good luck, buzzen! I feel like an evil beekeeper since my family keeps having large swelling reactions when stung in the face. I feel judged by teachers, in-laws and others who see them, since we all look like aliens after a facial sting! So, definitely a lot of people confuse swelling with an allergic reaction. I hope it works out for you and that everyone will be happy with whatever you decide...
Just ask those judgy, bee hating, preachy types - "you want some too?"
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luvin honey
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« Reply #28 on: May 12, 2010, 10:31:41 PM »

Good luck, buzzen! I feel like an evil beekeeper since my family keeps having large swelling reactions when stung in the face. I feel judged by teachers, in-laws and others who see them, since we all look like aliens after a facial sting! So, definitely a lot of people confuse swelling with an allergic reaction. I hope it works out for you and that everyone will be happy with whatever you decide...
Just ask those judgy, bee hating, preachy types - "you want some too?"

Riiiiiggghhhttttt....

It IS a little freaky to have your daughter be unrecognizable to her own grandmother due to swelling. It makes me feel like I am irresponsible or something, but the little sweetie ASKS to go see the bees! Not lately, though...
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The pedigree of honey
Does not concern the bee;
A clover, any time, to him
Is aristocracy.
---Emily Dickinson
wd
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« Reply #29 on: May 12, 2010, 11:08:41 PM »

I remember when my parents found my pet western pacific rattle snake .. it was handed to me covered in clear epoxy a few inches thick to sand so it could be put in the display case. I know, how does one compare a snake to honey bees?  I think its simply a fear that needs a breath of fresh air to shed some light on. Sure, rattle snakes are dangerous, but it depends how they're kept and handled. If only they could of seen what I saw.
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beee farmer
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« Reply #30 on: May 12, 2010, 11:12:28 PM »

Personally, I would ascertain whether her son does indeed go into anaphalytic shock if stung by a honey bee or if he simply has sever localized swelling.  If he is truly allergic I would reconcider keeping at the house.  There is always that one maladjusted old girl that nails you out of the blue for no good reason that "we" are able to figure out.  Usually something like a skunk been visiting them at nite and we know nothing about or have any controll over that got them in that mode.  Like luvin honey I too have felt pretty small when the grand kids or wife gets zapped and swell up, but they all know about them and love eating fresh honey.
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mysticantiques
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« Reply #31 on: May 13, 2010, 12:04:16 AM »

Last year my daughter sprayed me down with some kinda sun screen I'd never used before. It burnt. Shortly after, I got stung when checking my hives. I had an anaphylactic reaction. When I tried to speak, my lips felt like what I imagine smacking two bananas together would be like. I never itched so badly in all my life. I just wanted to tear my hide off!
My dear husband dashed me to the ER where I was given epinephrine and benadryl and observed for 2-3 hours. It cost 900 bucks.
I'd never had an allergic reaction to a bee sting in my life. I KNEW it was the sunscreen that caused this cascading effect.
A week or so later I was heading out to check my hives when my husband stopped me and said, "I think if we have to make another run to the ER, maybe you should consider a different hobby?"
What a nice guy.
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"When an activity raises threats of harm to human health or the environment, precautionary measures should be taken even if some cause and effect relationships are not fully established scientifically. In this context the proponent of an activity, rather than the public, should bear the burden of proof. The process of applying the precautionary principle must be open, informed and democratic and must include potentially affected parties. It must also involve an examination of the full range of alternatives, including no action." Wingspread Statement on the Precautionary Principle, Jan. 1998
Bee Happy
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« Reply #32 on: May 13, 2010, 12:09:31 AM »

Have you been stung since? No serious reaction?
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mysticantiques
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« Reply #33 on: May 13, 2010, 12:37:27 AM »

Yeah, I've been stung since. Probably 20 times at least. No reaction more than a kinda painful bump. It really was that nasty aerosol sunscreen that set it off. I don't recommend that crap.
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"When an activity raises threats of harm to human health or the environment, precautionary measures should be taken even if some cause and effect relationships are not fully established scientifically. In this context the proponent of an activity, rather than the public, should bear the burden of proof. The process of applying the precautionary principle must be open, informed and democratic and must include potentially affected parties. It must also involve an examination of the full range of alternatives, including no action." Wingspread Statement on the Precautionary Principle, Jan. 1998
Bee Happy
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« Reply #34 on: May 13, 2010, 12:45:07 AM »

Yeah, thanks, I'm  not a real fan of products that burn my skin either.
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be happy and make others happy.
bigbearomaha
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« Reply #35 on: May 13, 2010, 07:38:16 AM »

What is interesting here is that it appears there is an "all or none" thing happening in terms of the "to ask permission or just do it" discussion.

There is a 'middle ground' which is what i was discussing.

the OP{'s post was to how to get his wife's permission t oget bees.

My and others reply was don't ask permission, if you want bees, get bees.  Nowhere did we say to ignore the wife or the needs of the kids.

When one makes a decision to work with bees, hopefully, one will have made the necessary considerations beforehand.

If the bees are located off of one's own property, then there need be no worry about accidentally being near the hives.

If one locates the hives on the property, there should be space to keep the hives at such a distance that the only bees happened upon by non-bee interested folks are those flitting around the flowers.

if he has the space he claims, he should be able to locate the hives at such a distance that she  or the kid never need to be near the hives unless they intend to.

Again, these are things to be considered before the conclusion to work with bees is final.

 I never do things simply to appease my desires and impose my will on my family,  I personally do my homework and plan things out because I know my wife and  I can hear the arguments before they happen.

I've been married long enough to know the arguments ahead of time and avoid the argument as much as possible.

Big Bear
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VolunteerK9
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« Reply #36 on: May 13, 2010, 09:43:54 AM »

I just don't understand the whole 'we're not going to cuz something might happen'  I'm allergic to bad car wrecks but I don't stay at home living the life of a hermit though. My kids are allergic to catching baseballs in the nose, but they still play that too.  I don't intentionally throw them in harms ways by any means but they dont live in a bubble either.  I was allergic to bee stings as a kid so I know what the whole rushing to the E. R thing is all about. I just have an epi and benadryl on standby. I know that by purchasing honeybees you are increasing the odds of a sting, but have never seen a house or yard that was bee or wasp free naturally.
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Tucker1
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« Reply #37 on: May 13, 2010, 11:42:20 AM »

I thin the advice to go slow and consider her feelings is correct. Pointing out bees to her that exist on your property was a great suggestion. Once she becomes comfortable with watching bees, you can progress from there. Eventually, you might take her to visit a friend that has a single or two hives and slowly let her observe the hive.

The one thing that is really important is to explain the difference between bee and wasp/hornet behavior. Most people confuse the two, especially if they didn't become familiar with insects as a child.

Surprisingly, my wife took to bees fairly quickly. Now she helps with extraction and has offered to feed the girls when I gone in the early spring.

Sometime, it just takes slow exposure to the perceived threat to overcome it. The advice about determining if the boy is really seriously allergic is also important. If it's life threatening, you need to reconsider the idea of having bees on your property.  My best advice is to just go slowly, acknowledge her concerns and work with her.  You'll be surprised how she will become more accommodating if she feels you understand her concerns.

Regards,
Tucker1
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thebalvenie
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« Reply #38 on: May 13, 2010, 12:21:08 PM »

seriously
don't listen to rodni73 or the other like minded

sure you get your way and get bees...but it's A$$hole thing to do.  if you value your marriage and you respect your wife and her perspective then by all means talk to her about it and try to compromise.  on the other hand, if you're a pretentious, selfish and outright disrespectful human then go for it...if you're like that...not even sure why you'd come on an online forum to gather our opinions.

"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." -Steckl
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D Coates
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« Reply #39 on: May 13, 2010, 01:06:24 PM »

Remember, if you run roughshod over her concerns, it's fairplay for her to do the same no matter what you say.  She's your wife, you should know here better than anyone.  With any marriage it's a give and take, you have to read the situation.  If the son does have a bad reaction, a divorce attorney or some REALLY shiny jewelry purchases may be in your future.

Currently I'm in a similar position trying to get a shoulder mounted 13-point buck on the wall in my house.  I've given up some rooms (bed, living, dining) but putting a +/- $1k mount of the biggest best looking deer I've ever gotten in 30+ years of hunting in a hidden hallway is a waste.  I have only one other mount.  The negotiations are still underway.  

On a separate note, my father would run roughshod over my mom.  She took it for a while (48+ years), then she finally dropped him.  All jokes aside she should have left him looong before that.  She left him 2 years prior to their 48th and was finally enjoying her life then was killed in a auto wreck 3 months after the divorce was final.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2010, 02:47:00 PM by D Coates » Logged

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