YOU MIGHT BE A LIBERAL DEMOCRAT IF...
* You think that burning the US Flag is acceptable, because it's just a swatch of cloth and doesn't mean anything, but that flying the Confederate Stars & Bars is unacceptable, because it's a symbol of HATRED.
* You believe that government should make a special effort to hire members of traditionally oppressed groups, such as African-Americans (except for Clarence Thomas, Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice).
* You think that protesting outside of a US Marine recruiting office in the Peoples Republic of Berkeley is protected by your 1st Amendment rights, and think that protesting outside an abortion clinic is not.
* If you believe that posting the "Ten Commandments" in schools will hurt the children, but putting "Heather Has Two Mommies" or "Ask Alice" (on the internet) won't.
* You think marriage is obsolete - except for homosexuals.
* You feel Fidelity means not cheating on your mistress.
* You live in constant fear that someone, somewhere, is making a profit.
* You believe that if you reward stupidity, you get less of it.
* You believe that nativity scenes should be banned from public view, but that anyone objecting to pornography “only has to look the other way.”
* You are worried about how the French view Americans.
* You have no problem with Hollywood movie stars flying around in private jets to give speeches on the evils of SUVs
* You give money to the homeless man on the corner of the freeway, but you turn up your nose every time you see a boy scout."
* You think that pornography corrupts women, but find nothing wrong with a 50 year old president seducing a 21 year old intern.
* You cry every May 4th over the four people killed at Kent State, but have never been to the Vietnam Memorial.
* You say shows like "Andy Griffith " are out of touch with America today, while you flip to your soap opera.
* You tout the NAACP, but criticize anyone referring to a black man as a "colored person."
* You think a mother has a right to kill an innocent 5 month fetus because her pregnancy would interfere with her career, but feel we shouldn't put to death the man who raped and murdered 14 women.
* You feel that being convicted of treason is an infringement on your first amendment rights.
* You honestly feel that alcoholics deserve social security disability benefits.
* You outwardly said "I would have voted for Elizabeth Dole" knowing darn well you wouldn't have because she is a Republican.
* You think it is ok for a President to commit perjury on his sex life, but criticize Dan Quayle for spelling potato/potatoe wrong.
* You stood on a soapbox demanding that Anita Hill be heard, but want Paula Jones' accusations to be swept under the rug.
* You think the guy who drops out of High School and builds your jeep deserves more money than the doctor who went to college for 10 years and saves your kids life.
* You think a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of the school day constitutes government indoctrination and an intrusion on parental authority, while sex education, condom distribution and multiculturalism are values.
* You sang along to "Give Peace a Chance" during the Gulf War.
* You've filed for unemployment within two weeks of getting out of high school.
* You went to Woodstock II and felt that it was a significant historical event, changing the way our country thinks.
* You own something that says, "Dukakis for President," and still display it.
* You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on, "Well, they're gonna do it anyway so..."
* You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."
* You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
* You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."
* You've ever argued that with just one more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.
* You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.
* You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
* You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
* After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"