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Author Topic: Bob Hope Humor  (Read 824 times)
adgjoan
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« on: October 14, 2009, 02:11:57 AM »

 Bob Hope humor

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ON TURNING 70

'You still chase women, but only downhill'.

ON TURNING 80

'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90

'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'

ON TURNING 100

' I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING

'I ruined my hands in the ring.. The referee kept stepping on them.'

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR

'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.'

ON GOLF

'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'

ON PRESIDENTS

' I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER

' When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations You have an eight-pound ham' ..'

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL

'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY

'Four of us slept in the one bed When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS

'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES

'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'

ON GOING TO HEAVEN

'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'
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beecanbee
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« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2009, 04:43:15 AM »

Bob Hope was a great entertainer - and a good friend to troops overseas.  He brought us a brief, but truly appreciated respite on his annual end of year holiday tours.
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Paul

“I come from a state that raises corn and cotton and cockleburs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me."  Duncan Vandiver

A boy can do half the work of a man, but two boys do less, and three boys get nothing done at all. Smiley

(False) Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.  - Samuel Johnson
BeeHopper
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« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2009, 07:31:55 PM »

I miss Bob Hope R.I.P. But he left us so much to enjoy. here's one of my favorites :

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hardwood
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Alysian Apiaries youtube.com/MrBeedude


« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2009, 09:15:33 PM »

 lau Loved that clip!

Scott
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"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907
TwT
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Ted


« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2009, 09:24:13 AM »

yup, they don't have comedians like they use to, todays bunch are nasty mouthed, here's one of the shows I miss when I was growing up.

« Last Edit: October 15, 2009, 11:35:09 AM by TwT » Logged

THAT's ME TO THE LEFT JUST 5 YEARS FROM NOW!!!!!!!!

Never be afraid to try something new.
Amateurs built the ark,
Professionals built the Titanic
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