A mature couple were thinking of getting married and were confirming their compatibility.
He: Do you ever back seat drive? She: Only when the driver is being reckless. He: OK, I'll slow down and drive safely.
She: Do you help with housework? He: Only when the newspaper has been read and the sports channel has turned to professional bowling. She: OK, so that will be every Saturday morning.
He: Do you go out with the Girls? She: Only if you will be going out with the guys. He: OK, so that will be alternate Friday evenings.
Now getting more personal…
She: Do you bathe frequently? He: Only if I need it. She: OK, but please assume that you need it daily.
He: How about the frequency of sex? She: Infrequently. He: OK, but just to make sure....
Was that one word or two?