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Author Topic: Sweet Revenge  (Read 930 times)

Offline iddee

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Sweet Revenge
« on: September 26, 2009, 11:18:21 PM »

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and
deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.


They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought
in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.  Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to
return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow
a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he
agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had
been worth ... but only if she would sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the
completed paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they
watched the moving company pack everything to take to their
new home ....

..and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!


"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Offline beecanbee

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Re: Sweet Revenge
« Reply #1 on: September 27, 2009, 11:49:33 PM »
On the pier in Santa Cruz CA - one hot summer day many years ago, as I was circling the row of cars to get back to a parking space that my family had taken over to "save" for me - a big Cadillac pushed them aside and took the spot.  A few of the fish that we pulled up that day found their way under the hood, near the window wipers – and very close to their air intake vent.  I have smiled on occasion – even years later, remembering this.  Your story reminded me of this and brought back the smile.
"I come from a state that raises corn and cotton and cockleburs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me."  Duncan Vandiver

A boy can do half the work of a man, but two boys do less, and three boys get nothing done at all. :)

(False) Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.  - Samuel Johnson

Offline 1reb

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Re: Sweet Revenge
« Reply #2 on: September 28, 2009, 11:58:40 AM »
 :lau: :lau: :lau:

Offline poka-bee

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Re: Sweet Revenge
« Reply #3 on: September 28, 2009, 11:39:42 PM »
Awwww, what a sweet little story!  I like the fish in the car too..heh heh :evil:  Many times I could have used something like that!
I'm covered in Beeesssss!  Eddie Izzard