Need Bees Removed?
Beekeeping Forums
December 18, 2014, 07:04:42 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
News: Beemaster's official FACEBOOK page
   Home   Help Search Calendar bee removal Login Register Chat  

Pages: [1]   Go Down
Author Topic: Seven Embarrassing Medical Exams  (Read 1784 times)
Super Bee
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 2343

Location: Lakeside OR

howdy all

« on: July 19, 2009, 02:20:23 PM »


1. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths ', I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered. 'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive'

Submitted by Dr. Steve Swanson, Corvallis , OR

5. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning?' 'It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste' the patient replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

6. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name


7. As a new, young MD doing his residency, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'

She replied, 'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'


Fight organized crime!  Re-elect no one.
House Bee
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 182

Location: Northern KY

« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2009, 04:10:07 PM »

Irwin, you crack me up!!!

The Swarm King
Universal Bee
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 11688

Location: Metairie, Louisiana

I like doing cut-outs, but I love catching swarms!

« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2009, 04:32:59 PM »

"'Sorry, had to mow the lawn." lau lau lau


"Good friends are as sweet as honey" Winne the Pooh

My pictures can be viewed at

My Youtube videos can be viewed here:

My website
Field Bee
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 591

Location: Yinnar, Australia

« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2009, 06:07:22 PM »

Keep them coming Irwin. The serious side of life still needs humor in it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
Universal Bee
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 15316

Location: boring, oregon

« Reply #4 on: July 19, 2009, 06:10:32 PM »


.....The greatest changes occur in their country without their cooperation. They are not even aware of precisely what has taken place. They suspect it; they have heard of the event by chance. More than that, they are unconcerned with the fortunes of their village, the safety of their streets, the fate of their church and its vestry. They think that such things have nothing to do with them, that they belong to a powerful stranger called “the government.” They enjoy these goods as tenants, without a sense of ownership, and never give a thought to how they might be improved.....

 Alexis de Tocqueville
Super Bee
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1702

Location: Fort Valley, Georgia

« Reply #5 on: July 19, 2009, 06:45:03 PM »

Those were pretty good!   banana devil banana devil

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resembalance to the first. - Ronald Reagan
Super Bee
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1698

Location: Warren,Arkansas

« Reply #6 on: July 19, 2009, 11:21:09 PM »

I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener


Galactic Bee
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 3198

Location: Jenison, MI

Best use of smileys in a post award.

« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2009, 12:28:18 PM »

A co-worker reports a story that he went through.  The company was giving medical exams, and an optional part of that was a prostate exam.  Well he went ahead and had the prostate exam done.

He got back to work and was telling his coworkers about it, and they asked him why, since he was only in his mid 30's at the time.

He said "Because it was free!"  rolleyes

It was a few weeks before anybody looked at him normally again.

Queen Bee
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1487

Location: concord, tn

« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2009, 01:38:55 PM »

I was working at a large plant as a sub-contractor and you had to wear resperators in parts of it and a full physical was required for everyone each year. One of the fellas in maintenance was a real jerk and nobody liked him in the least. A pot was taken up and the doctor that gave the physicals was bought off. Well Mr. Jerk went in for the physical and when it came time for the prostrate exam the doc told him to relax and just before the finger he told him "This is from everyone in maintenance" and then the probing began.

He was fit to kill when he came back to work the next day, he finaly quit bout a month later. It was hard not to look at him and just bust out laughing.


see my swarms and cut outs at

those hot bees will have you steppin and a fetchin like your heads on fire and your @ss is a catchin!!!

Bees will be bees and do as they please!
House Bee
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 468

Location: 30 mi west of DFW, Tx

« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2009, 12:11:47 AM »

Those were wonderful! grin grin grin
Pages: [1]   Go Up
Jump to:  

Beemaster's Beekeeping Ring
Previous | Home | Join | Random | Next
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.20 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines | Sitemap Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 1.682 seconds with 21 queries.

Google visited last this page December 10, 2014, 02:50:36 PM