when Lincoln gave the Gettysburg address he didn't specify which men he was honoring - the speech has been analyzed later to be tailored to be (graciously short - lots of politickers could take a lesson from that) geared to honor the men who fought on both sides.
" But in a larger sense we can not dedicate - we can not consecrate - we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled, here, have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract."
I don't want to paste the whole speech, but there were quite a few people pretty ticked that he didn't give a speech to the effect of "we sure whupped them confederates good" - he wanted the country to remain united and wouldn't speak ill of the confederates for believeing differently.
(As a side note, the southern name "The war of Northern Aggression" was probably more accurate; they were legally permitted by the constitution to secede. and as much as the war has been made to be believed to be about freeing slaves - it was about unfair interstate trade and the prevention of the south from marketing it's products internationally. Lincoln issued the emancipation proclamation after secession - legally the same as us telling Germany - anything)