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Author Topic: Sip the Vodka  (Read 1003 times)

Offline Derek

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Sip the Vodka
« on: March 26, 2009, 05:12:29 PM »
> A new priest at his first mass was so nervous
> he could hardly speak.
>
>
>
> After mass he asked the monsignor how he had
> done.
>
>
>
> The monsignor replied, " When I am
> worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass
> of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous,
> I take a sip."
>
>
>
> So next Sunday he took the monsignor's
> advice.
>
> At the beginning of the sermon, he got
> nervous and took a drink.
>
>
>
> He proceeded to talk up a storm.
>
>
>
> Upon his return to his office after the mass,
> he found the following note on the door:
>
> 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
>
> 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
>
> 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
>
> 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
>
> 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet
> his [censored].
>
> 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the
> late J.C.
>
> 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not
> referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
>
> 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the
> sh*t out of him.
>
> 9) When David was hit by a rock and was
> knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his
> [censored].
>
> 10)We do not refer to the cross as the
> "Big T."
>
> 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last
> supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my
> body." He did not say " Eat me" .
>
> 12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary
> with the Cherry,.
>
> 13)The recommended grace before a meal is
> not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
>
> 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling
> contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.
> Taffy's.

Offline vermmy35

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Re: Sip the Vodka
« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2009, 05:26:12 PM »
Roflmao  I love it!!!  When me and my wife got married a funny thing happened with the priest, best man and me.  We where in the back waiting for my bride to be.(she was an hour late as usual).  Unfortunately I was a lush back in those days and the best man brought a 1/5th of rumplemintz ( do you see where I am going with this hehe).  All three of use proceeded to drink it out of boredom, when all of a sudden the maid of honor bust in as Say's we are waiting.  Before I could say OK lets go the priest told her, "You can keep on waiting since nothing is going to happen with out me".  God you have to love the Croatian people.
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Offline Keith13

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Re: Sip the Vodka
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2009, 08:56:21 AM »
Aah don't you just love Catholics :evil: :evil:
makes the calisthenics of Mass worth it :evil:

Keith

Offline BjornBee

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Re: Sip the Vodka
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2009, 09:02:23 AM »
I bet he increases attendance... ;)
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Offline vermmy35

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Re: Sip the Vodka
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2009, 10:13:46 AM »
yep after mass they have a bar set-up in the back with a donation jar (I call it tips for god) and its never empty :evil:
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Offline Brian D. Bray

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Re: Sip the Vodka
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2009, 12:44:02 AM »
yep after mass they have a bar set-up in the back with a donation jar (I call it tips for god) and its never empty :evil:

The best way to get people to put money in a donation jar is to put some in before the jar is put out, it's called bait.
Put an empty jar out and it will most likely stay empty.
It's a Psychological thing.
Life is a school.  What have you learned?   :brian:      The greatest danger to our society is apathy, vote in every election!

 

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