I enjoy hunting and the outdoors and though alligator hunting might not seem to be safe most of my hunting is safe and enjoyable, maybe even fun. Well I thought you might find what happen to me yesterday morning fun even if I fail to see the humor in it.
As I said I had an incident this past hunting season that most will find amusing. As I went to my deer stand very early as usual, I approached with caution as always. Deer were in the area and it sounded as if there was a stampede and even smaller animals scurried away in the cover of darkness. Maybe using a flashlight does scare critters but so does tripping over logs, stumbling down a hill, and falling into a creek when you do not use a flashlight. Wet and bruised I continued to my stand hoping that the deer would return within a short time.
I proceeded to climb into the stand which is 16 feet high and nestled in a cluster of three trees with the stand attached to the largest. The other two are about 8 inches in diameter and offer good cover of any movement I might make. Because it was lightly raining I choose to use my treebrella. This is a camouflaged umbrella that secures to tree just above your head.
This was done not knowing that a raccoon had picked the same tree and taken refuge for the night in the same tree. Now this coon had climbed just a little higher than my stand and the treebrella so I did not know he was there. However, a short time after I had everything perfect and was just waiting for daylight. Soon though I notice one of the most fowl odor I have ever smelled. For those of you who use coon urine for cover scent, my hat is off to you!
Well soon it was to get even worse-- I notice the limbs above my stand were shaking. I was very concerned at this time because it actually felt and sounded like something was climbing up the tree above my head. While trying to look around the side of my treebrella this coon drops a ?bomb? on me. Coon feces bounced off my treebrella and on to my boots with a splat. I do not know what this coon had been eating but he must have made a stop at the nearest ?open till midnight? Taco Bell before napping for the night!
Now at this point it is light enough to see and at this point I realize what is going on. It takes me awhile sometimes. So I pulled an arrow from my quiver and decide to poke this coon which is about 4 feet above my head. To accomplish this I had to stand up, lean out and reach up and then it happened... Folks I have done some stupid things in my life, but never anything this ignorant. That coon grabbed the arrow with one paw and bit into the arrow with his teeth. Now all I have left is a carbon shaft, coon urine on my coat, and pooh-pooh on my treebrella and my boots. Oh and the most important thing, A HIGHLY TICKED OFF COON.
He commenced to growling like nothing I had ever heard. He started backing down the tree towards me so I swatted him with the shaft I had in my hand. Now you might be able to control your children with such a device or even stop a charging bull with a broken arrow. BUT YOU CAN NOT REASON WITH A MAD RACCOON.
He decided to jump on top of my treebrella. Let me insure you that a treebrella can not support the weight of a full grown raccoon. So you guessed it! The coon is now in my lap. ALL HIS BODILY FUNCTIONS GO OFF AT ONCE, AGAIN! Houston we have a problem. Not only am I covered with his bodily waste, but his scratching and clawing ruined my brand new hunting pants as well. Landing in my lap must have surprised the raccoon as much as me. Some folks have told me that a panther?s cry sounds like a woman?s scream. Well anyone within half a mile would have sworn they had heard a panther when I screamed out. The coon was now no longer growling, but is making a chattering noise of some sort. I realize that with all the scent on me he probably thought that I was another raccoon. I think I even heard banjo music.
Needless to say I vacated the stand to the adjoining tree. He, however, took his sweet time sniffing everything as he descended down the tree. I can only hope he doesn't tell his friends.... likely I should have not told my friends either.