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Author Topic: Men Versus Women  (Read 1341 times)
JP
The Swarm King
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I like doing cut-outs, but I love catching swarms!


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« on: March 01, 2009, 01:06:00 PM »

Men versus Women


For example: NICKNAMES

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy

or EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

a man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

a woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS

a man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. a man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS

a woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

a woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

a successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

a successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

a woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

a man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP

a woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

a man will dress up for weddings and funerals

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. a woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

a man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.



Feel free to add your own.


...JP Wink
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BjornBee
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« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2009, 02:26:33 PM »

Good one fatboy!  lau
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JP
The Swarm King
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« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2009, 02:37:43 PM »

Good one fatboy!  lau

Why thank you Peanut Head!  lau


...JP
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"Good friends are as sweet as honey" Winne the Pooh

My pictures can be viewed at http://picasaweb.google.com/pyxicephalus
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My Youtube videos can be viewed here: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=JPthebeeman&aq=f

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Cindi
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« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2009, 08:40:39 PM »

See, the name calling begins already with the dudes!!!  -- and the thread has only just begun, it is only three posts.  Now, where are you, Ann, Kathy, Sharon, Annette, Jody, Natalie (there must be more active forum gals, just can't think of the names really quickly, apologies).  Have that wonderful and beautiful day, life, health, love our life, goodies!!!  Cindi
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There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold.  The Arctic trails have their secret tales that would make your blood run cold.  The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, but the queerest they ever did see, what the night on the marge of Lake Lebarge, I cremated Sam McGee.  Robert Service
Natalie
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« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2009, 09:04:57 PM »

Oh here I am Cindi, I was getting dressed up to go feed my chickens, of course that was after I had to go to the hospital for falling into the toilet because my husband left the seat up and I hurt my tailbone and then we got lost on the way to the hospital and he wouldn't stop to ask for directions.  Wink
I would like to say that we are home now and he is running the house like a well oiled machine, except for the fact that he has absolutely no idea where anything goes and keeps putting things on the dining room table for me to put away when I feel better,  or what the kids like to eat for food or that the kids actually like to eat food, or how to cook it anyway and of course he suddenly has some ache or pain that is much worse than mine will ever be( which he probably got by trying to tilt the hospital vending machine because it ate his dollar when he wanted to buy his 5th candy bar)  so he really should be taking it easy too and wants to know how much longer I am going to inconvenience him by being hurt.
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Cindi
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« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2009, 09:23:22 PM »

Oh Natalie  shocked shocked shocked, those tailbones, nothin' to laugh about.  Men and the toilet seat.  Got 5 of them around my place.  I can't count the times that I have sat on the toilet in the middle of the night only to find a very cold bunch of water and a very cold arse!!!!  Hope your bum fares well, smiling.....take care.  Have a most awesome day, night, sleep well, sleep tight, health.  Cindi
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There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold.  The Arctic trails have their secret tales that would make your blood run cold.  The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, but the queerest they ever did see, what the night on the marge of Lake Lebarge, I cremated Sam McGee.  Robert Service
Natalie
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« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2009, 09:30:59 PM »

No Cindi, I was just joking about the tailbone, everything else has happened though when I hurt my back and had back surgery. It was like he had just moved in here instead of been living here and raising kids for all these years.
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poka-bee
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« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2009, 11:23:16 PM »

We have been in this house for 5 years & Bruce still looks in the wrong cabinet for the plates shocked He yells for me like Ozzie Osborne for Sharon.  For being able to join Mensa there sure isn't any common sense in that "peanut head!" evil :evil:J
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Brian D. Bray
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I really look like this, just ask Cindi.


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« Reply #8 on: March 01, 2009, 11:56:11 PM »

A woman will change her clothes 3-4 times a day, and even take showers when changing.
A man thinks it's okay to go to church in his milking clothes.

A woman will walk all through the house carrying on a running conversation with her spouse.
When the woman gets mad the man says....What ya talking to me......couldn't understand a word.

Women will spend hours shopping for new clothes, the latest styles, shoes, hats, blouses, dresses, pants, etc, her side of the closet is over flowing.  She has one drawer each for, bras, panties, foundation garments (whatever those are), and socks and stockings.
A man's side of the closet has a pair of fairly new shoes, a pair of fundown boots, and an old suit he hasn't warn since his wedding, in his dresser are 2 pair of jeans and 4 t shirts, along with his undies and socks.

A womens idea of a pet is a cat or small cuddly dog.
A man's idea of a pet is a Coonhound, Rottewiler, or Labardor.

Women think that cards, regardless of the occasion is so nice and sweet.
Men think cards are a waste of paper.
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Life is a school.  What have you learned?   Brian      The greatest danger to our society is apathy, vote in every election!
vermmy35
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« Reply #9 on: March 02, 2009, 12:09:52 AM »

LOL me likey!!!
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Scadsobees
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« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2009, 01:00:07 PM »


 EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Them men sure ain't Dutch!
Quote
MONEY
a man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
a woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
Which is why I try not to buy anything...see previous dutch comment...

Quote
CATS

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Ha..yesterday one of the kids pointed out a cat in the backyard and she yelled "Shoot it!!".  Right after pontificating on how men are so much more violent than women.  rolleyes

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Rick
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