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Author Topic: Did they really say that????  (Read 1350 times)
iddee
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« on: February 21, 2009, 12:00:35 PM »

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of
staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.



ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you bleep me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?

WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law



Sincerely,

Don Horn
Service Manager

 
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JP
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« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2009, 12:29:25 PM »

Love stuff like that, fun to read. Made me think of one of my favorite movies, my cousin vinny.

Scene where the judge played by Fred Gwynne says "For the record let it be known that the defendant's attorney is holding up two fingers" when Vinny was testing the eyesight of a witness.

Then Vinny asks the witness again to guess how many fingers he's holding up, and Vinny specifies that only the witness can answer, while he smirks at Gwynne!

Loved it!


...JP
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BjornBee
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« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2009, 12:39:31 PM »

Good reading....  grin
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Jerrymac
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« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2009, 01:48:57 PM »

Here is somemore.

http://forum.beemaster.com/index.php/topic,9729.0.html
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TwT
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« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2009, 02:13:56 PM »

 grin
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Keith13
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« Reply #5 on: February 25, 2009, 05:11:16 PM »

I like the one where the DR ask "did you actually pass the bar exam"

Keith
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kathyp
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« Reply #6 on: March 03, 2009, 12:48:13 AM »

thanks!  now when i go to court this stuff will be in my head and i'll probably end up in jail  Cry
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.....The greatest changes occur in their country without their cooperation. They are not even aware of precisely what has taken place. They suspect it; they have heard of the event by chance. More than that, they are unconcerned with the fortunes of their village, the safety of their streets, the fate of their church and its vestry. They think that such things have nothing to do with them, that they belong to a powerful stranger called “the government.” They enjoy these goods as tenants, without a sense of ownership, and never give a thought to how they might be improved.....

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