The Masterpiece

[Jerrymac]

You know those times when you have things to go, places to see and people to do, and you're in a big rush to get it done? Then just as you are ready to walk out the door you pause, your head raises up straight with that deer in the headlight look and....

OH CRAP!

That's right, you got to go. So you do the pigeon toed knock kneed walk to the toilet clamping them cheeks as tight as you can. You nestle yourself on the throne all nice and comfy with this silly expectant look of relief on your face and YES!!! here it comes.

But....

it seems that the first little turd caught a glimpse of this long fall into what might be extremely cold water and seems to want to go back into the dark comfortable warmth. But all the other little turds want to come out and see and now they are all bunching up and they seem to be becoming one large mass. So you try to give it a little push. And a little more pushing. And as you sit there red faced grunting like a mad wild boar stuck in a mud wallow, the lower part of your back hurting from the strain, and wondering what the heck you are about to give birth to, you wish you brought the cell phone so you can call in the jaws of life to help spread them cheeks.

As you start seeing red instead of black with you eyes closed so tightly and little white sparks are flying around, you reflect back on that one time when you came and sat upon this very throne, and no sooner had you gotten settled down on the seat, this surge of relief slipped effortlessly from your body. As you finished up and was about to flush you paused a moment and with admiration at what you had done you actually, for a moment, thought about having it framed and hung on the wall for all to see what you had done without much effort at all. Surely this is going to be the one to display proudly.

FINALLY something plops out and with great relief you realize you are done. And there it is lying at the bottom of the bowl, not even half the size of a golf ball and you are left to wonder..

What the @$&%^#@!!!!

as you flush it away and take off to do your chores.