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Author Topic: Purina Dog Chow Diet?  (Read 1765 times)
JP
The Swarm King
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I like doing cut-outs, but I love catching swarms!


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« on: September 26, 2008, 12:46:06 AM »

> > The next time someone asks you a dumb question
> wouldn't you like to respond like this?
> >
> > Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large
> bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Bisquit, the Wonder
> Dog and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me
> asked if I had a dog.
> >
> > What did she think I had, an elephant?  So since
> I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her
> that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina
> Diet again.  I added that I probably shouldn't, because
> I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost
> 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
> tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both
> arms.
> >
> > I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and
> that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets
> with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you
> feel hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete so it works
> well and I was going to try it again.  (I have to mention
> here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled
> with my story.)
> >
> > Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care
> because the dog food poisoned me.  I told her no, I stepped
> off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a  car hit
> us both.
> >
> > I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart
> attack he was laughing so hard.  Wal-Mart won't let me
> shop there anymore.
> >
> > Better watch what you ask retired people.  They have
> all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This was an e-mail sent to me.


...JP grin
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"Good friends are as sweet as honey" Winne the Pooh

My pictures can be viewed at http://picasaweb.google.com/pyxicephalus
and
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My Youtube videos can be viewed here: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=JPthebeeman&aq=f

My website JPthebeeman.com http://www.jpthebeeman.com/jpthebeeman/
EasternShore
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Location: Chestertown Maryland

Tending 50K angry insects is just .........crazy!


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« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2008, 11:22:00 AM »

 grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

There's your sign..........

Becky
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Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
We are the keepers, it is our duty to preserve life.
Frantz
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« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2008, 12:02:16 PM »

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
that was awesome!! grin grin
F
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Jerrymac
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« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2008, 01:21:11 PM »

I might revise it and talk about how it is all I can afford. See if folks would throw money at me.  grin
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rainbow sunflower  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.   rainbow sunflower

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Scadsobees
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Location: Jenison, MI

Best use of smileys in a post award.


« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2008, 01:28:59 PM »

LOL that is funny!

That reminds me of my uncle who is basically retired....he likes to shop the discount grocery shop and found some cans of cheap "beef and gravy".

So he prepared it (probably still excited about the good deal) and him and his wife started to eat it, and thought it tasted funny.  Not unexpected from the discount grocery, but he got up to check the empty cans anyway. 
Turns out in smaller letters were the words describing it as dog food!  He said that for a week he had to fight the urge to chase squirrels.....

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Rick
JP
The Swarm King
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Location: Metairie, Louisiana

I like doing cut-outs, but I love catching swarms!


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« Reply #5 on: September 27, 2008, 07:40:52 AM »

LOL that is funny!

That reminds me of my uncle who is basically retired....he likes to shop the discount grocery shop and found some cans of cheap "beef and gravy".

So he prepared it (probably still excited about the good deal) and him and his wife started to eat it, and thought it tasted funny.  Not unexpected from the discount grocery, but he got up to check the empty cans anyway. 
Turns out in smaller letters were the words describing it as dog food!  He said that for a week he had to fight the urge to chase squirrels.....



Now that is funny!!!


...JP
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"Good friends are as sweet as honey" Winne the Pooh

My pictures can be viewed at http://picasaweb.google.com/pyxicephalus
and
http://picasaweb.google.com/112138792165178452970

My Youtube videos can be viewed here: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=JPthebeeman&aq=f

My website JPthebeeman.com http://www.jpthebeeman.com/jpthebeeman/
1reb
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« Reply #6 on: September 27, 2008, 06:37:23 PM »

that was a good one  grin
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Brian D. Bray
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I really look like this, just ask Cindi.


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« Reply #7 on: September 27, 2008, 07:20:01 PM »

I had a friend ask me once about hernias as he knew I'd had several operations for them.
He wanted to know how you knew if you had one.
I told him it was the pressure, if he felt a pressure he should see a hernia specialist.
He said what specialist. 
I said, "A very renowned chinese physician.
"Oh, What's his name," he asked.
"Dr. Won Hung Lo," I answered.

Here's your sign.
 
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Life is a school.  What have you learned?   Brian      The greatest danger to our society is apathy, vote in every election!
EasternShore
House Bee
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Location: Chestertown Maryland

Tending 50K angry insects is just .........crazy!


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« Reply #8 on: September 28, 2008, 08:31:29 AM »

 grin
« Last Edit: September 28, 2008, 11:13:16 AM by EasternShore » Logged

Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
We are the keepers, it is our duty to preserve life.
JP
The Swarm King
Universal Bee
*******
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Gender: Male
Posts: 11668


Location: Metairie, Louisiana

I like doing cut-outs, but I love catching swarms!


WWW
« Reply #9 on: September 28, 2008, 09:54:49 AM »

I had a friend ask me once about hernias as he knew I'd had several operations for them.
He wanted to know how you knew if you had one.
I told him it was the pressure, if he felt a pressure he should see a hernia specialist.
He said what specialist. 
I said, "A very renowned chinese physician.
"Oh, What's his name," he asked.
"Dr. Won Hung Lo," I answered.

Here's your sign.
 

Since you brought it up Brian I may as well mention an account a doctor friend recounted yrs ago when he was a med student.

The hospital he was an intern with regularly saw prisoners and one such had a hernia of the type you described, almost to his knee. Get this, the guy was brought in for something else and the hernia he claimed didn't bother him and refused treatment for it! (ewey!!)


...JP
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"Good friends are as sweet as honey" Winne the Pooh

My pictures can be viewed at http://picasaweb.google.com/pyxicephalus
and
http://picasaweb.google.com/112138792165178452970

My Youtube videos can be viewed here: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=JPthebeeman&aq=f

My website JPthebeeman.com http://www.jpthebeeman.com/jpthebeeman/
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