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Author Topic: No Gustav here. Thank God.  (Read 836 times)

Offline Geoff

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No Gustav here. Thank God.
« on: August 30, 2008, 09:45:06 PM »
 Noah's Ark in Australia

 In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
 Australia, and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and
 over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build
 another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.'

 He gave Noah the plans, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark
 before I will start the Unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

 Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
 yard -but no Ark.

 'Noah!' He roared , 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?'

 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a
 building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for
 a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the
 neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding
 the height limitations. We had to go to the Shire Council for a

 Then ERGON demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving
 power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the
 Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but
 they would hear nothing of it.

 Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
 trees because the Nature Conservation authorities say it will upset the
 balance of the local ecological system.

 I tried to convince them that I needed the wood to save us all from
 extinction - but no go!

 When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA prosecuted me. They
 insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
 argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
 inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

 The traffic authorities said it would take six months after completion
 of the ark to plan a route to the sea. I told them also that the sea would
 be coming to my back yard. They threatened to have me committed.

 Then the DPI ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until I had arranged
 and conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

 I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Fair Trading group on
 how many 'Stolen generation' persons I'm supposed to hire for my

 The State Government has insisted that I provide them with a list of the
 people who want to work so that they can check that they are not from
 the non designated group.

 UNIONS say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union
 workers with Ark-building experience.

 To make matters worse, ATO seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to
 leave the country illegally with endangered species.

 So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
 finish this Ark.'

 Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
 stretched across the sky.
 Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to
 destroy the world?'

 'No,' said the Lord.

 'The Australian Government has beaten me to it.'
Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.