You're not the first to catch "the bug" of wanting to become a beekeeper. LOL
There are many here that have had to deal with that very feeling.
You'll survive...... but not easily at first. Like I told someone else a few weeks ago - just try to relax, spend the winter here at the forum, spend the winter learning/building hives/buying equiptment, maybe join a bee club, find some local beekeepers and get in their hive.
But really, the urgency to get bees will pass...... once you realize fully that there just isn't anything you can do about it until spring. But it's ok. Here at this forum you can learn alot, and make some friends too. It's a great bunch of people here. We talk about bees ALOT, even in the chat room, but we also share other parts of our lives too.
And you are certainly not alone, on this forum, in having to wait until spring for your first hive. There are alot on this forum that found this place while researching about bees. And now, they stay, and learn....... and I think they feel they've found a family on the net too.
It all sounds mushy, but I think I'm right.