The same pair of boots have been in your family for five generations and they're only twenty years old.
You think the Franklin Mint is a breath freshener.
You think doctorin' involves mamma's sewing kit and a jug.
The strongest smell in your house is butane.
Your dog passes gas and you claim it.
You think paprika is a Third World country.
None of your shirts cover your stomach.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.