Ok, here goes...
>>Why, Why, Why
>>do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Because sometimes the buttons go bad, and we like to test that out first before bothering with batteries. Yes, I have buttons get dirty and not press so well so I have to rip the whole dumb thing apart and clean it.
>>Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
Because most of the time they will get their money. Somehow. No matter how much it hurts.
>>Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you >>say the paint is wet?
Have you ever tried to count all them stars? It is easy to check the paint.
>>Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Because it can't dry in the bottle.
>>Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Ok, I agree this is stupid, but I suppose it is common procedure for needles, might as well follow protocol so you don't forget one time on a non-lethal injection.
>>Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Isn't he supposed to be a teenager? Besides, not all races grow bushy facial hair.
>>Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Have you ever thrown a revolver at him? I haven't. Besides, it is easier to duck a revolver.
>>Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Because that is where all their communication equipment is built into.
>>Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?
That is the best word to describe the problem in sound, right?
>>If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Ok, I'm with you there.
>>Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Because the soap film is so thin that it becomes colorless, even showing rainbows. Put a bunch of those togather and you get white.
>>Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Probably somewhere. In Antartica.
>>Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Ever miss something only to see it there later and it was always there? Or perhaps something else might sound better when you get hungrier?
>>Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Because that is easier than walking to the trashcan.
>>Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
Then you need to try the other end.
>>How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
They crawl. Enclosed <> sealed. Nothing will keep them from the light!!
>>When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Because we are trying to be nice. I usually end up saying "It's all <grr that hurt> right!! <you stupid idiot>". Same reason when somebody asks "How are you?" we all just smile and say "fine" even though we feel like #$*@& and the dog just died and the wife is mad and the kids are failing in school and we just had to walk to work because the car wouldn't start and nobody else really wants to hear about the problems they are just being freindly.
>>Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Actually, just yesterday I managed to catch one of the kids drinks (had a cover) as it was tipping off the edge at the restaurant.
>>In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
I don't complain about the heat at 70F. It is amazing how relative temperature is. The kids will run around in their shorts at 60F in the spring....
>>How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Because they usually aren't the problem. If the FIL tries to control your life, usually you try to get away from him. Mothers and daughters have a stronger relationship, so even MIL is a $%## the daughter stick with it.
And my FAVORITE......
>>The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Oh, well, then I'm OK!!
I'm a guy, I just had to try to give answers to all them.