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Author Topic: Why?  (Read 2796 times)
kathyp
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« on: February 14, 2008, 03:06:35 PM »

Why, Why, Why
do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......



The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.



 

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.....The greatest changes occur in their country without their cooperation. They are not even aware of precisely what has taken place. They suspect it; they have heard of the event by chance. More than that, they are unconcerned with the fortunes of their village, the safety of their streets, the fate of their church and its vestry. They think that such things have nothing to do with them, that they belong to a powerful stranger called “the government.” They enjoy these goods as tenants, without a sense of ownership, and never give a thought to how they might be improved.....

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Jerrymac
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« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2008, 01:06:41 AM »

Why do people duck when they are in a car, windows rolled up, and a snowball is thrown at them?
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Scadsobees
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« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2008, 09:07:04 AM »

Ok, here goes...

>>Why, Why, Why
>>do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Because sometimes the buttons go bad, and we like to test that out first before bothering with batteries.  Yes, I have buttons get dirty and not press so well so I have to rip the whole dumb thing apart and clean it.

>>Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?   
Because most of the time they will get their money.  Somehow.  No matter how much it hurts.

>>Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you >>say the paint is wet?
Have you ever tried to count all them stars?  It is easy to check the paint.

>>Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Because it can't dry in the bottle.

>>Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Ok, I agree this is stupid, but I suppose it is common procedure for needles, might as well follow protocol so you don't forget one time on a  non-lethal injection.

>>Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Isn't he supposed to be a teenager?  Besides, not all races grow bushy facial hair.

>>Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Have you ever thrown a revolver at him?  I haven't.  Besides, it is easier to duck a revolver.

>>Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Because that is where all their communication equipment is built into.

>>Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?
That is the best word to describe the problem in sound, right?

>>If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Ok, I'm with you there.

>>Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Because the soap film is so thin that it becomes colorless, even showing rainbows.  Put a bunch of those togather and you get white.

>>Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Probably somewhere.  In Antartica.

>>Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Ever miss something only to see it there later and it was always there?  Or perhaps something else might sound better when you get hungrier?

>>Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Because that is easier than walking to the trashcan.

>>Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
Then you need to try the other end.

>>How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
They crawl.  Enclosed <> sealed.  Nothing will keep them from the light!!

>>When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Because we are trying to be nice.  I usually end up saying "It's all <grr that hurt> right!! <you stupid idiot>".   Same reason when somebody asks "How are you?" we all just smile and say "fine" even though we feel like #$*@& and the dog just died and the wife is mad and the kids are failing in school and we just had to walk to work because the car wouldn't start and nobody else really wants to hear about the problems they are just being freindly.

>>Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Actually, just yesterday I managed to catch one of the kids drinks (had a cover) as it was tipping off the edge at the restaurant.

>>In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
I don't complain about the heat at 70F.  It is amazing how relative temperature is.  The kids will run around in their shorts at 60F in the spring....

>>How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Because they usually aren't the problem.  If the FIL tries to control your life, usually you try to get away from him.  Mothers and daughters have a stronger relationship, so even MIL is a $%## the daughter stick with it.

And my FAVORITE......

>>The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Oh, well, then I'm OK!!

I'm a guy, I just had to try to give answers to all them. evil
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« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2008, 09:24:46 PM »

Why is there a Braille sign at the drive through window at the bank?

Why do we spend half an hour looking for the remote,when it takes 3 seconds to change the channel?

Why don't pigeons roost in trees?

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Brian D. Bray
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« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2008, 10:52:48 PM »

Why don't pigeons roost in trees?

Actually they do but they prefer to roost where they have an unobstructed 360 degree view.
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« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2008, 11:20:31 PM »

I  have branches & 2x4's and mine prefer the flat..and the roof of their little shelter house!  Very seldom do I see them on the branches.  They are on eggs again too..sheesh!
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« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2008, 01:37:23 PM »

pigeon's proper name is "rock dove".  i let you figure out the rest
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JP
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« Reply #7 on: February 17, 2008, 09:12:04 AM »


Why, Why, Why
do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?  > I usually just roll the batteries around a bit hoping for a better connection, a lot of times this works.

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money? > Tough love.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? > I question everything.

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? > must be when it comes in contact with air, it forms a reaction.

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? > I would rather accidentally stick myself with a sterilized needle than an hiv infected one.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? > So young yuppie women wil like Tarzan too.

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? > He doesn't want to mess up his hair.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? > A good pilot never dies unless fully suited.

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"? > Why not?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? > Don't believe we did.

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? > Didn't know that, don't take 'em.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? > Sundays, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? > Its not that, its with each subsequent trip back, we get less picky-er

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? > Could this string be a magic string, better examine it, maybe make a wish with it, nothing? Ok throw it back down, the vacuum should work this time.

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? > its a trick by the manufacturers so that we will rip more bags trying, hence more bags will be bought sooner.

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? > Single file, eyes caught in headlight effect.

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"  > we do say you idiot, but mostly under our breath, you never know if they have a gun.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? > subconsciously we want to see if these things that fall still work after they have hit the floor.

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? > some people need a reason to complain.

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? > Father n laws are the Patriarchs.

And my FAVORITE......



The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you. > What is normal, really?


.....JP


 

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« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2008, 10:22:01 PM »

pigeon's proper name is "rock dove".  i let you figure out the rest

That's why they love statues--Marble is a rock.
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« Reply #9 on: February 19, 2008, 11:07:28 PM »

I just have to ask - does the following ever happen to you?

If I'm sitting watching TV and someone in a movie (out of nowhere) kicks or punches someone, I usually have a reflex reaction, my leg will jump or I'll have some spastic instantanious reaction.

It's a bit like jumping from something in a scary movie, but just a auto-reaction to some unforeseen action in a movie. Just curious.
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« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2008, 11:16:50 PM »

I just have to ask - does the following ever happen to you?

If I'm sitting watching TV and someone in a movie (out of nowhere) kicks or punches someone, I usually have a reflex reaction, my leg will jump or I'll have some spastic instantanious reaction.

It's a bit like jumping from something in a scary movie, but just a auto-reaction to some unforeseen action in a movie. Just curious.

No, my legs kick and jump all on their own--I have RLS amoung other things.
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« Reply #11 on: February 19, 2008, 11:18:11 PM »

I have a sort of reaction when they are having a love scene!!  Hee! Hee!
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« Reply #12 on: February 19, 2008, 11:18:22 PM »

Rock steady nerves here. You know those scare tactics in scary movies when something jumps out at you? No reaction from me.

My kids always try to jump out and surprise me. They are always disappointed.
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« Reply #13 on: February 20, 2008, 12:43:39 AM »

Sorry, just like Jerry on this issue, although I like to try to be scared.


....JP
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« Reply #14 on: February 20, 2008, 12:55:42 AM »

But I do know people that are even worse than what you are describing John. You would think they were in the movie or that the movie was real and happening right around them.

Another strange thing. Since I know all that stuff in the movies is staged something like a hard kick to the privates doesn't do anything for me. But those video clips on Americans Funniest Videos where a skate boarder lands straddled a rail or something like that, I know this was real and did happen to some dumb creature, and I do have a reaction to that.  shocked

No Cindi I don't laugh  grin
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« Reply #15 on: February 20, 2008, 01:02:48 AM »

My wife will shriek at scenes in the movie theatre. I just don't get it, I just have trouble forgetting that its only a movie. Now I like to be entertained, don't get me wrong, but I find it nearly impossible to get hopelessly lost in a movie.


....JP
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