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Author Topic: Man versus woman  (Read 1494 times)
Cindi
Galactic Bee
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Gender: Female
Posts: 9827

Location: Grindrod, B.C. Canada


« on: November 05, 2007, 11:21:06 PM »

Here goes, pretty long, hope it looks OK, this one brought a smile to my face, so early this morning:

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
 
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
 
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
 
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?
 
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for
your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
 
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
 
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything
to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
 
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !
 
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that
the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the
top of several pages, that it indeed says ......... 'HEBREWS'
 
THE  SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake
him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ..' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight Furious, he  was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
 
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a  rough draft
before the masterpiece

Have a beautiful and wonderful day, on our greatest of places, Earth.  Cindi
Logged

There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold.  The Arctic trails have their secret tales that would make your blood run cold.  The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, but the queerest they ever did see, what the night on the marge of Lake Lebarge, I cremated Sam McGee.  Robert Service
Burl
House Bee
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Gender: Male
Posts: 139

Location: Peace Country , B.C. , Canada


« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2007, 01:01:28 AM »

Hi Cindi ,  When my wife thinks somethings really funny she does this strange sounding laugh that sounds like hissing and squeeking both at the same time .  Well you made her do that with your jokes and stories .  "Hebrews" .  Do you realize I just might have to get out of bed first in the morning and go make coffee . ?                                             ---Burl---
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Of all the things I've ever been called ;
I do like "Dad" the most .   ---Burl---
Cindi
Galactic Bee
******
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Gender: Female
Posts: 9827

Location: Grindrod, B.C. Canada


« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2007, 08:30:26 AM »

Burl, you have made my day.  To think that I have made anothers' life happier and brought a smile, even a laugh, for that fleeting few moments in time, makes me a fulfilled woman.  That makes me feel so good, yeah!!!!  Have a wonderful day, greatest of this life.  Cindi
Logged

There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold.  The Arctic trails have their secret tales that would make your blood run cold.  The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, but the queerest they ever did see, what the night on the marge of Lake Lebarge, I cremated Sam McGee.  Robert Service
qa33010
Field Bee
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Gender: Male
Posts: 912


Location: Arkansas, White County


« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2007, 09:49:04 AM »

  Cindi,

    I didn't know I was being biblical today cheesy.  My wife read them over my shoulder and we both loved them.  Some are being sent off to my fellow men in our church and family and close friends.  Thanks for a great start to a beautiful day!
Logged

Everyone said it couldn't be done. But he with a chuckle replied, "I won't be one to say it is so, until I give it a try."  So he buckled right in with a trace of a grin.  If he had a worry he hid it and he started to sing as he tackled that thing that couldn't be done, and he did it.  (unknown)
Cindi
Galactic Bee
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 9827

Location: Grindrod, B.C. Canada


« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2007, 09:55:12 AM »

  Cindi,

    I didn't know I was being biblical today cheesy.  My wife read them over my shoulder and we both loved them.  Some are being sent off to my fellow men in our church and family and close friends.  Thanks for a great start to a beautiful day!

 huh  Sorry, didn't get what you meant, still, glad I got your day off to a good start.  Have a wonderful and greatest of this day.  Cindi
Logged

There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold.  The Arctic trails have their secret tales that would make your blood run cold.  The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, but the queerest they ever did see, what the night on the marge of Lake Lebarge, I cremated Sam McGee.  Robert Service
qa33010
Field Bee
***
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Gender: Male
Posts: 912


Location: Arkansas, White County


« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2007, 05:09:34 PM »

   Sorry Cindi it was Burl's post of He brews. cool
Logged

Everyone said it couldn't be done. But he with a chuckle replied, "I won't be one to say it is so, until I give it a try."  So he buckled right in with a trace of a grin.  If he had a worry he hid it and he started to sing as he tackled that thing that couldn't be done, and he did it.  (unknown)
Cindi
Galactic Bee
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 9827

Location: Grindrod, B.C. Canada


« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2007, 09:15:03 AM »

qa33010.  Right, got it, heee, heee, our English language.  Cindi
Logged

There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold.  The Arctic trails have their secret tales that would make your blood run cold.  The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, but the queerest they ever did see, what the night on the marge of Lake Lebarge, I cremated Sam McGee.  Robert Service
kathyp
Universal Bee
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Gender: Female
Posts: 15151


Location: boring, oregon


« Reply #7 on: November 11, 2007, 10:03:03 AM »

sent this off to my sister and her very traditional husband  smiley  thanks!!
Logged

.....The greatest changes occur in their country without their cooperation. They are not even aware of precisely what has taken place. They suspect it; they have heard of the event by chance. More than that, they are unconcerned with the fortunes of their village, the safety of their streets, the fate of their church and its vestry. They think that such things have nothing to do with them, that they belong to a powerful stranger called “the government.” They enjoy these goods as tenants, without a sense of ownership, and never give a thought to how they might be improved.....

 Alexis de Tocqueville
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