« on: September 26, 2007, 01:06:09 AM »
cut and paste from an email. pardon the format.
Subject: feminine humor
>>>This is an actual letter sent to the American company, Procter and Gamble
>>>regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the
>>>Dear Mr. Thatcher,
>>>I have been a loyal user of your "Always" maxi pads for over 20 years
>>>and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard
>>>Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
>>>salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
>>>beach in tight, white shorts.
>>>But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos
>>>on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that
>>>maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel
>>>each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
>>>Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
>>>"the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is
>>>starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
>>>violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
>>>will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
>>>"an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
>>>As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
>>>quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
>>>monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the
>>>bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
>>>swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
>>>it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend
>>>Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into
>>>a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's
>>>Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
>>>The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that Amer ica is just
>>>crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the
>>>reason for my letter.
>>>Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
>>>inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and
>>>there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy
>>>Are you f*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
>>>middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
>>>happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
>>>above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
>>>FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be
>>>anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
>>>Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
>>>march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
>>>sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
>>>For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a
>>>moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
>>>something that's actually pertinent, like "Put down the Hammer" or
>>>"Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?
>>>Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
>>>immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
>>>chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
>>>certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
>>>brand of condescending bull*. And that's a promise I will keep.
.....The greatest changes occur in their country without their cooperation. They are not even aware of precisely what has taken place. They suspect it; they have heard of the event by chance. More than that, they are unconcerned with the fortunes of their village, the safety of their streets, the fate of their church and its vestry. They think that such things have nothing to do with them, that they belong to a powerful stranger called “the government.” They enjoy these goods as tenants, without a sense of ownership, and never give a thought to how they might be improved.....
Alexis de Tocqueville