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kathyp
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« on: September 26, 2007, 01:06:09 AM » |
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cut and paste from an email. pardon the format.
Subject: feminine humor
>>>This is an actual letter sent to the American company, Procter and Gamble
>>>regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the
>>>first paragraph....
>>>
>>>
>>>Dear Mr. Thatcher,
>>>
>>>I have been a loyal user of your "Always" maxi pads for over 20 years
>>>and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard
>>>Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
>>>salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
>>>beach in tight, white shorts.
>>>
>>>But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos
>>>on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that
>>>maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel
>>>each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
>>>
>>>Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
>>>"the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is
>>>starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
>>>violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
>>>will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
>>>"an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
>>>
>>>As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
>>>quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
>>>monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the
>>>bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
>>>swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
>>>it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend
>>>Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into
>>>a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's
>>>Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
>>>
>>>The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that Amer ica is just
>>>crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the
>>>reason for my letter.
>>>
>>>Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
>>>inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and
>>>there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy
>>>Period."
>>>
>>>Are you f*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
>>>middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
>>>happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
>>>above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
>>>
>>>FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be
>>>anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
>>>Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
>>>march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
>>>sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
>>>
>>>For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a
>>>moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
>>>something that's actually pertinent, like "Put down the Hammer" or
>>>"Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?
>>>
>>>Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
>>>immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
>>>chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
>>>certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
>>>brand of condescending bull*. And that's a promise I will keep.
>>>Always!
>>>
>>>Best,
>>>
>>>Wendi Aarons
>>>Austin, TX
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